


Home at Last

by TheKnittingLady



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: (Not a major character), F/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2018-12-18 12:37:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 27,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11874615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheKnittingLady/pseuds/TheKnittingLady
Summary: Some times you have to go away to realize what you've been missing.





	1. Chapter 1

**_Part 01_ **

_Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy._

_\- Jesus of Nazareth_

* * *

 

* * *

**Chapter 01**

**BAU Headquarters**   
**Quantico, VA**

"What'cha reading?" Penelope Garcia asked. A pile of folders landed on the desk. "Seeing someone again?"

Spencer Reid smiled. "No. It's from my Aunt Ethel. News about my dad."

"Oh? Good news? Bad news?"

"Good news for him. Apparently he's won a few big cases lately. He's doing really well for himself. And he's getting married again."

"Oh!"

"To a woman my age with two kids."

"Hello soap opera."

"Yeah. No kidding."

A sharp whistle pierced the air. They all turned to see Emily coming out of Dave's office, with him close behind. "My team! Hostage situation in Congress Heights."

"Oh god." Penelope said as they started moving.

Spencer left the letter on his desk.

* * *

**First Church of Christ the Merciful**   
**Congress Heights**   
**Washington DC**

"I've never heard of this one." Luke said.

"Me neither." Tara replied. "Reid?"

"No."

"Okay, then it has to be a fairly new denomination."

Truth was they didn't want the entire team. But when you have the guy who literally wrote the book on hostage negotiation around, you call him. And he brings who he want to with him. "What's the situation?" Dave asked.

The local cop in charge turned to him. "Janitor left his lunch box, came back on his day off to pick it up. He found a woman from the church with six kids from the after-school program. He said they were drugged and the woman was doing something to them. When she saw him she pulled a gun and fired. He called 911. We got here to find that she'd barricaded herself in."

"Do we have a name?" Dave asked

"Mary Johnson."

"Any contact?"

"We called her phone. She said she couldn't talk now and hung up. We've been trying every ten minutes."

"Keep trying."

"We have the Pepco guys here if we need to cut power."

"That's an escalation. Let's not go there just yet."

The church was a solid brick fortress with bars on the windows. Getting in was going to be a nightmare. "According to Garcia this used to be Baptist."

Emily said. "She's trying to get what she can on the current occupants."

Just then the locals waved them over. "We got her." The cop said, passing the phone to Dave.

He put the phone on speaker. "Stop calling me!" Said an angry, almost frantic woman's voice.

"Mary, my name is Dave Rossi. I'm an FBI agent. What's going on in there Mary?"

"These children deserve the Lord's mercy! You can't stop be before I'm done, it would be cruel!"

"What do you mean the Lord's mercy?"

"When I'm done they'll be going to a place much better than this! Now let me finish! Please!" She hung up the phone.

"What do you think she means?" Luke asked.

"Linguistically speaking?" Spencer replied.

"It means we need to get in there." Dave said. "Cut the power as soon as we're ready to breech the building."

* * *

They did indeed cut the power, right before they rammed the door open with a bang.

From inside they heard a loud "NO!"

Then they heard the first gunshot.

They ran.

When they got there they found six teens lying on tables. Five of them were covered in fresh blood. An older woman was standing there with a gun in her hand. "FBI! Drop the weapon!" Luke called out.

The woman looked like she was crying. "He deserves the mercy of Christ." She said.

She pointed the gun at the last child. And then she went down as everyone else fired.

Spencer was the first one to the last victim, to check for a pulse. "Medic!" He called out. "He's alive!"

Dave looked up and away from the carnage in the room. "Mercy of Christ."

* * *

 

* * *

 **Notes** : So I don't know where my summer has gone. Or perhaps my spring. I do know that the last 10 episodes of Season 12 left me with a nasty case of writers block, and I haven't even watched them yet.

Canon through Season 12, roughly episodes 11 or 12. Also, pay attention for a trigger warning or two, although there's no kinky sex in this one.

I'm hoping life will let me keep to a M/W/F publishing schedule for this one. I just finished chapter 17 so I'm well ahead, I just have to decide how to end it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 02**

**Washington MedStar Medical Center**   
**Washington DC**

They had one survivor.  “Tom Bates.”  The locals said.  “Sixteen.  We’re trying to get a hold of his mother.”

“Great.”  Emily said.  “Any word on his condition?”

“Other than drugged?  Not yet.”

“What do we know about the Unsub?”  Tara asked.

In reply Emily dialed a number on her phone.  “Anything on the Unsub yet Garcia?”

“Oh yes, she was not hiding.”  Penelope replied.  “Mary Johnson, 72, widowed, one son Michael, retired surgical nurse, had been volunteering with the program since they started renting the building space a year ago.”

“Anything about the program?”

“An after school program for at-risk kids.  They’ve been around for 20 years with no incidents.”

“Great.  Thanks Garcia.”

“That doesn’t give us a lot to work with.”  Luke said.

“I know.”

 “Agents.”  One of the doctors joined them a short time later, accompanied by a cop.  She was carrying a metallic device in an evidence bag.  

“What is that?”  JJ asked.

“I wish I knew.  I found an incision and a strange lump on your victim’s head running down to an incision behind his ear.  I called a friend at the ME’s office and asked her to check the bodies.  There was one on every one.  This came from one of the bodies.  I’m about to go remove the one from your victim.”

“Let us know what happens, please?  It could help us determine what’s going on here.”

“What I can.”

“Thanks.”

“Surgical nurse.”  JJ said.  “She likely knew what she was doing.”

“Yeah, but why?”  Luke replied.

Spencer had been studying the device.  “Findlay Industries.”  He said.  He pulled out his phone.  “Garcia?”

“Hey Junior G Man.”

“What can you find on Findlay Industries?”

“Findlay....huh.  They look like a recent start-up.  They design medical devices...for the DOD.  They have an office in the old St. Elizabeth’s Hospital.  The city turned that into a tech park.  OK, I’ll send you all what I have.”

“St. Elizabeth’s.”  Dave said.  “That’s in Congress Heights.   Not far from the church.”

Emily nodded like she’d made up her mind.  “Tara stay here and talk to our victim when he comes out of it.  JJ, Luke, go to Findlay and see what you can find out about their DOD contracts.  Spencer, go to the ME’s office and see what you can figure out about these things.  Dave, you and I will go talk to the head of the after school program, see what I can learn about our Unsub.”

They split up and got to work.

* * *

 

**Medical Examiner’s Office**   
**Washington DC**

Spencer both enjoyed and hated watching an autopsy.  Enjoyed because he always learned something.  Hated because it meant a victim.  And this one was only fifteen....

“Okay, it’s similar to a PNS device.”  The coroner said.  “That’s the battery pack.  It’s inserted under the skin and usually connected to electrodes threaded next to the spinal nerves to help treat pain.  In this case it’s implanted behind her ear, and the electrodes are threaded up under the skin to this thing.”  She pointed to something a little larger than a watch battery.  “Which is parked at the top of her head.”

“But what does that do?”  Spencer asked.

“Likely deliver some low level electrical or magnetic energy straight to the brain.  In this case it could affect the medial temporal lobes.”

“Which process memory.  But you would think, with her experience, she would know not to do something like this in an unsterile environment.”

“She used these.”  The coroner pointed to some evidence pictures of things that looked like vinyl bags.  “The DOD uses them for surgery when they can’t guarantee the environment.  They place them over the injury, the surgeon inserts their hands in the built in gloves and you have an instant, micro sterile environment.”

Spencer looked it over.  “Those can’t be easy to use though.  She had practice.”

* * *

 

**First Church of Christ the Merciful**   
**Congress Heights**   
**Washington DC**

 “Mary was such a sweetheart.”  The woman who ran the program said.  “She really loved working with the kids.  I can’t imagine her doing this.”

Emily and Dave were used to this.  People could never believe that someone was capable of evil.  They knew that anyone was capable, given the right stressors.  So far all they had learned was that their Unsub appeared in real life to be exactly like she appeared online, a sweet, grandmotherly type.  “What can you tell us about the victims?”  Emily asked. 

The Program Director shook her head.  “As I’m sure you know, the idea that CPS will swoop in and take a child from their home for the smallest thing is a myth.  Truth is, they’re so overworked and underfunded if a child in their late teens doesn’t have broken bones and isn’t being pimped out by their parents we’ll be lucky if we can get them to show.”

“So they were being abused?”  Dave asked.

“Not physically.  Emotional abuse, medical abuse and neglect are all more pernicious than that.  And it always seems to fall on a specific kind of kid, the good one who just wants to keep their head down, do well in school and hopefully make college so they can have a shot at a future.  We have a group of them here, your victims all came from that group.”

“They had a lot in common?”  Emily asked.

“The abuse.  Their parents called them whores even though none of them were sexually active, and their mothers were sexual in front of them, bringing boyfriends home and telling the girls all the intimate details or trying to seduce the boys.  They parentified the kids, making them responsible for getting the bills paid and the house cared for while the parents ran about partying like teenagers.  But god help those kids if the house wasn’t dealt with.  They insisted they were fat slobs even though they were all underweight to the point where we were worrying about eating disorders, and shamed them for their bodies any way they could.  And they called them losers even though they were in the top ten percent of their classes.  Every one of them was on the college track, and in every case the parents refused to provide the documentation needed for financial aid.  Add in the employment difficulties for kids that age and you had a cohort of good kids who had no way out of miserable lives.  We were trying to get them dependency overrides so they could submit financial aid paperwork without parental signatures, but its not easy and there are no guarantees.”

“She said she was trying to show them mercy.”  Emily said.

“She was right about one thing.  They needed it.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: suicide

**Chapter 03**

**Findley Industries**   
**Washington DC**

“I’m sorry.  That’s classified.”

JJ and Luke were running up against a wall with the company that made the devices.  They admitted to making them, but that was about all.  “These have been used in a major crime.”  JJ said.  “We can get a warrant if we have to.”

Findley had a professional manager for this sort of thing, as evidenced by his expensive suit and fake smile.  “Would you wait here a moment, please.”

“Sure.”  She waited until the manager left then she turned to Luke.  “Are you getting the creepy vibes here?”

“Oh yeah.  Big time.”

Soon the manager came out again, this time with a file.  “We had some devices go missing.  Prototypes.  A little over a year ago.  Mike Johnson was in charge of materials management on that project.  He committed suicide soon after.  Something about an abusive relative.  If there were six devices that would account for all the missing materials.”

“Great.  Thank you.”  JJ said, accepting the file.  “Excuse me.”  She stepped out of the lobby.

“Why didn’t you report the theft at the time?”  Luke asked.

“It was up to the DOD.”

“What do these things do?”

“That’s classified.  “You’ll have to ask the DOD.”

* * *

 

Luke joined JJ out in front of the building.  “That was less than helpful.”

“Yeah, well. Mike Johnson was our Unsub’s son.  Maybe it wasn’t suicide.”

“And then she waited a year to use them?  This is still not adding up.”

“I know.  We need to know what these things are.  Do you have contacts at the DOD?”

“A couple.  You?”

“More than a couple.”

* * *

 

**Washington MedStar Medical Center**   
**Washington DC**

Tom’s eyes fluttered open and he sighed.  He looked around the room and focused on Tara.  “Good morning.”  She said with a gentle smile.

“Where am I?”  He asked.

“You’re in the hospital.  Just take it easy, you were sedated.”  She waited for the nurse to come in and check him over.  “My name is Tara.  I’m an FBI agent.  You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to.  Do you remember what happened?”

Tom reached up and felt around his scalp, and then down behind his ear.  His eyes started to well up with tears.  He nodded.

“Did Mary say what she was doing?”

He nodded.  “She was going to take us to Paradise.”  The tears started flowing.  “Where’s Kristi?  She was there with me.  We were going to go together.”

“I’m sorry Tom.”  Tara hated this part.  “No one else made it.  She died.”  She watched utter despair come into his eyes.  “We got a hold of your mom, she’s on her way.”  Now that despair was joined by fear.  “It’s going to be okay, Tom.  You’re safe here.”

Tom shook his head.  “I should have known.”  And then he shut down on her.

“We’ll talk some more later, okay?”  Yeah, there was no reply.  So she went back to the nurse’s station to wait, leaving the security guard outside the room, common when there was a witness.

She would forever regret leaving that room.

A few minutes later there was a loud “Hey!” from the security guard.  They all spun to see Tom backing away into his room, the guard’s gun in hand.

“Tom.”  Tara took point, trying to get the kid to calm down.  “It’s okay.  You don’t need that.  Let’s just talk.”

But Tom shook his head.  “I can’t go back.  I can’t live with her anymore.  Kristi was all I had.”  He put the gun in his mouth.

There was nothing anyone could do.

* * *

 

**BAU Headquarters**   
**Quantico, VA**

Well, that was a shitty day.

“So what do we know?”  Emily asked.

“According to my DOD contract the devices are intended to be used for the treatment of PTSD in service personnel.”  JJ said.  “Apparently they block memories.”

“That makes sense.”  Spencer said.  “They’re implanted over the non-dominant medial temporal lobe, where we process non-verbal memory.”

“Apparently they can be dialed back, so the patient can deal with traumatic memories slowly while still be able to function in day-to-day life.”

“Sounds like a brilliant solution.”  Tara said.  “Do they have any spares?”  She got a murmur of support for that.

“Here’s the fun part.”  JJ said.  “They ordered six prototypes and got six prototypes.  Findley never reported any missing.  That’s all they have, they’re investigating further.”

Luke’s turn.  “Mike Johnson was responsible for materials management.  He committed suicide just over a year ago, likely because of the abuse he was receiving from his wife.  Multiple cop calls to their apartment, she’s doing time for her third DUI, you all know the drill.  Thing is, the DOD took delivery of the prototypes not long after the suicide.”

“So they make extra prototypes, which is not unheard of, Mom steals them and waits a year to use them?”  Emily asked.

“Here’s something we haven’t looked at.”  Spencer replied.  “Tom Bates said the Unsub was going to take them to Paradise.  What if the victims consented to the operation?” 

“They were all abused kids.”  Tara said.  “A complex form of PTSD is common in these cases.”

Penelope was flipping through screens.  “Okay, according to this Mary Johnson lived on a ten acre farm outside Fredericksburg.”  

“Let me guess.”  Dave said.  “Some version of Paradise in the name?”

“Paradise Ranch.”

“She was trying to save her son.”  Emily said.  “She cared about the kids so she was going to erase their memory of abuse and give them a do-over at a happy life.”

“And they were so miserable they were willing to go along with it.”  Dave sighed.  “I almost wish it would have worked for them.”

There were nods of agreement around the table, before they closed the folders.

Case closed.

* * *

 

**Compass Rose**   
**1346 T Street N.W.**   
**Washington, D.C.**

“So, I’m worried about Spencer.”  Penelope said.

Sunday morning.  A cozy little restaurant in a not too hip part of the city.  Henry and Will off having big boy time.  Bottomless mimosas.  Tucked into a corner so they could talk about whatever, and so they could park Michael put of the way.  Penelope, Emily and JJ were having their traditional brunch meeting, all so much more important now that Emily had to wear The Boss hat during the week.  Now she groaned.  “Oh, please don’t tell me I have to work.  It’s Sunday.”

“It’s not that bad.  I’m just worried about him with his Mom at home.  He hasn’t talked about going out or anything since she moved in.”

“He hasn’t talked about anything else since she moved in.”  JJ replied. 

“Are you thinking burnout?”  Emily asked.

“I think he’s put himself on the fast track.”

“What I don’t understand is why he’s doing this now.”  Penelope said.  “She was stable in Bennington for years.  She was even getting better, they had her meds going so well they took that trip to France.”

“That was before her Alzheimer’s diagnosis though.”  JJ said.  “They haven’t had that many good times.  I wonder if he wants to have as many as he can before she forgets.” 

Emily sighed.  “I wonder if he’s too late.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 04**

**Capitol Plaza Apartments**   
**Washington DC.**

“Want to come with?”  JJ asked.

Spencer looked up.  Another case was closed.  This had been a tough one, the kind that usually called for some alcohol after to help inhibit the formation of long term memory.  “Yeah, but I need to get home.”

“Mom?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.  You’ll call if you need anything, yeah?”

“I will.”

Spencer smiled at his friend and headed out.  He didn’t want to tell her how much he loved and dreaded the train ride home at the end of every day.

He loved it because it was quiet and and cozy and old-fashioned somehow.   Taking the train home at the end of the work day.  Granted the blue plastic seats were about as cozy as the average bus, but he was able to go up a level and snag a single seat.  He had his own little private space, and he could put on some music from seventy years ago and open a book older than that and for the time it took to return to DC he could pretend that the world made some kind of sense.  He had this hazy, non-specific daydream he loved to think about on the ride home.  About how he was going to a place that was warm and safe and comforting.  He had no clue what that looked like, but he longed for it anyway, had at the end of every day or every trip for as long as he could remember, even back in high school .  And on the train he could pretend he was going there.  He could pretend the wheels would not stop until he reached that warm, safe haven, wherever and whatever it was.

Eventually he landed in DC.   

He walked the two blocks back to his apartment.  DC really was a beautiful town.  All the older buildings and the history they brought with them.  Not just the museums and monuments, he loved that the building he lived in was pre-war.  Even though it was not well maintained and the apartments were kind of crappy it was worth it for the architectural details.  Or so he kept telling himself.  It was good enough for someone like him.

So why was he standing outside his door, dreading opening it?

He knew why.

He knew why.

He opened the door, locked it behind him and started putting things away, as the ranting woman came out of the only bedroom.  “I want to go home!”  She screeched.

“You are home, Dr. Reid.”  The nurse following her replied.

“No!  I want to go home!”  Diana spun around and glared at Spencer.  “Who are you?”

“I’m Spencer, Mom.  I’m your son.”

“No you’re not!”  She was lost in her delusion, perhaps in her broken memories.  Perhaps she believed her son still a child.  Either way she flew at him and started pounding on him, full force.  “What have you done with my son!  What have you done with my son!!”

All Spencer could do was try to restrain her while the nurse behind her prepared the injection.  She fought harder when the needle went in.  Thankfully the sedative worked quickly and his mother collapsed.  She wasn’t even able to walk to the bed, he had to carry her.

“I am so sorry Dr. Reid.”  The nurse said.  “She broke some glass today.  I was able to clean it up though.”

“It’s all right.  She’s always been like this.  I’ve got it from here.”

He saw the nurse out then went to check on his mother.  His nose told him what he already expected to find, a not uncommon side effect of her medication and the sedative.  He stripped off his work clothes, put on older things, got the supplies and went to change his mother and the bed.  He was going to need a new mattress at some point.

When he came back from tossing everything in the dumpster his neighbor stopped him.  “What was all that yelling?”  She asked.  She had a new baby who was fussing in her arms.  

“I’m sorry.  My Mom is saying with me.  She’s not well.”  Spencer replied.

“It was happening all day.  Justin keeps waking from his nap.”

“I’ll talk to the doctor about adjusting her medication again.  I am sorry.”

The neighbor was not mollified.  Spencer couldn’t do anything else.  He went back in his apartment and looked around.  His mother had destroyed more of his books today, more illusions gone.  The broken glass came from an antique secretary which was now destroyed, not that it had ever had the effect he wanted.  And there were spots on his rug giving off a suspicious odor even though they had been cleaned.  The whole apartment was starting to smell like a sick room.

He flopped back on the couch. He was afraid to prepare food, lest the smell wake her.  He was afraid to turn on the TV or some music, lest the sound wake her, or he not hear her calling for headphones.   He was afraid to even go shower, for fear that she might do something while his back was turned.  Try to run out or set the apartment on fire or sneak up behind him and beat on him while he was naked.  Something.  

I’m not weak, he thought.  I’m not weak.  I’m just tired.

Just tired.

He needed rest.  No doubt his mother would be up again as soon as her medication wore off.  In four hours.

He thought about places that were cozy and warm as he drifted off.

* * *

  
**BAU Headquarters**   
**Quantico, VA**

Another work day.  Spencer was loading his coffee down with sugar, doubling down on the energy from a broken night’s sleep.  “That bad, huh?”  Penelope asked.

“Mom’s developing Sundowner’s Syndrome.  Her symptoms get exponentially worse at night.”

“Okay, sweetie, I love you, you know this and I know you love her. But why don’t you find a place for her?  You know there are places around here that provide excellent care.”

“I know.  I just don’t know how much longer she’s going to remember me at all.  I want to enjoy as many of the good times with her as I can.”

“And how many of those have there been?”  

“About as many as she’s ever had.”

“Really?”  Penelope sounded skeptical.  She looked like she was going to say something more but then something pinged on her tablet.  “Huh.”  She frowned and checked something.  “What the hell.  Okay, I need to go look at this.  If you need a nap my little couch is open.”

“Thank you.”  

“Uh-huh.”

But Emily was calling.  “My team.  We have a case.”

Spencer sighed.  There went any hope of a nap anytime soon.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 05**

**BAU Jet**   
**Eastbound**

Another week, another case.  This one with some urgency because children were involved.  This one notable because all the kids made it home and Spencer encountered a skunk along the way.

They made him sit at the far end of the plane.

This annoyed Spencer to no end, because the couch was down by the table and he had hoped to sleep.  Now he had to try to sleep sitting up in one of the chairs.  
Only that wasn’t going to happen either.  Penelope rang the plane.  “Okay, now that all the babies are safe I have something else to tell you.”  She said.

“What is it Garcia?”  Emily asked.

“Someone has been accessing your personnel files.”

“Who?”  Tara asked.

“Someone with DOD clearance.  I have no clue who, they covered their tracks, but I have tiny little notification program in there that they did not know about.”

“Did you tell Cruz?”  Emily asked.

“I did and he said he’s looking into it, but I wanted to let you all know anyway.  Also he said he wants to talk to you all when you get back.”

“Tell me it’s not another case.”  JJ said.

“I can’t promise that.”

There were groans all around.  “Okay, do me a favor and call over to the kitchen at the Academy.”  Emily said.  “See how much tomato juice they have on hand.  We can at least hose Spencer down before we go out again.”

“With pleasure.”  Penelope rang off.

Spencer groaned along with all of them, but on the inside he felt happy.  He slept better in the field these days anyway.

And then he felt guilty about that.

* * *

**BAU Headquarters**   
**Quantico, VA**

“Give me your clothes.”  JJ said.

Spencer was in the locker room, changing into fresh clothes after spending an inordinate amount of time scrubbing himself down with some mixture of household chemicals Penelope had found on the internet.  Thankfully they worked after the third application.  Now all of a sudden JJ appeared out of nowhere, holding a plastic bag.  Thank God he had his pants on.  “JJ!”  He spun around, putting his back to her.  

“Will is coming to pick up your clothes and soak them in something he swears will....”  All of a sudden Spencer felt a light touch on his back.  “Okay, what the hell?”

“I fell in the woods getting away from the skunk.”  He found a clean undershirt and pulled it on.

“Bullshit Spence, these are two to seven days old.  You fell in the woods this morning.  What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”  Okay, she didn’t believe him.  “JJ, really, I’m used to it.”  

“Used to it?”

Okay, wrong thing to say.  What happened when he was tired.  “Mom doesn’t always recognize me.  It’s okay, she’s always been like this.”

“Spence, this is not okay.”

“I’m not weak, JJ.”  Yeah, answered that too fast.  “I can handle it.”  He put his soiled clothes in the bag.  “Do we have another case?”

“Yeah.”  She did not look happy.  “Maybe that’s a good thing.”

* * *

 

Five days and two go-bags later Spencer finally made it home.  Just in time for the caregiver to be coming out of the bedroom with a bag of soiled trash.  “Let me take that down for you.”  He said.

“Thanks Dr. Reid.”  He heard his mother call out something from the bathroom.  “I’ll go help her get dressed.”

“Sure.”  He already had his jacket off.  No need to put it back on just to go down to the dumpster.  He carried the reeking bag down the back way, lifted the lid and threw it in.  Then he stood there for a long moment, trying to marshal his thoughts.  JJ was worried.  Penelope was worried.  If Emily wasn’t worried she would be.  Maybe they were right, but he wanted...something.  And this connected somehow.   I want, he thought.  I want.  I don’t know what but I want.

There was a footstep behind him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2
> 
> Sometimes, only one person is missing, and the whole world seems depopulated.  
> \- Alphonse de Lamartine

 

**Chapter 06**   
  
**BAU Headquarters**   
**Quantico, VA**

“Okay, what happened?”  Dave asked as he walked in.

“Reid got home exactly when expected.”  Emily said.   “The caregiver said that he took a bag of trash down to the dumpster.  When he didn’t come back she went down to look for him and found his phone, gun and badge on the ground in front of the can.  She called 911, they saw that he was Bureau and called us.”

“And that’s all we’ve got?”

“There was a van.”  Penelope replied.  She looked close to tears.  “We called DCPD, put a BOLO out on it.  But it was a plain, white van.  If they change their plates we’re hosed.”

“There hasn’t been any contact.”  JJ said.  “No communication with whoever did this.”

“I want another team working the case with you.”  Cruz said.  “You’re all too close.  I know I can’t pull you off but I want an unattached agent there as well.”

“Fair enough.”  Emily said.  “We’re going to have to look at all his old cases, check with friends, he’s still teaching at Georgetown I think...”

“Is there anyone he lives with who might know something?”

“Oh god.”  Penelope said.  “His Mom.”

“We’ll need to interview her.”  Cruz said.

“We’ll need an expert.” Tara replied.  “Paranoid schizophrenia co-morbid with Alzheimer’s.”  

“Great.  I assume he’s her next-of-kin?”

“Emily and I hold power-of-attorney.”  Dave said.  “We’ll make sure she has continuity of care.”

“All right.  Let’s get started.”

* * *

 

They got started.

Digging through his old cases got them exactly nowhere.  “I cannot find a single open loop.”  Luke said.  “The guy’s a machine.”

“I know.”  JJ replied.  “There have been a number of threats over the years but few to Reid personally.  And the ones that have are all dead or incarcerated and not capable of pulling strings.”

“I hate to say I hope it’s something personal, but at this point I hope it is because this is a dead end.”

* * *

 

They couldn’t get a good interview off of Diana Reid.  “She’s just not lucid enough to have been aware of anything.”  The interviewer said.

“At least we tried.”  Emily replied.

They had more luck with the caregivers.  Just not much more.  “My girls have noticed someone watching the building.”  Mrs. Campbell said.  “They also noticed someone going after the trash.  But they thought it was someone else in the building, I mean, who would be interested in a sick woman?  And Dr. Reid is never home.”

“We’ll need to talk to them.”  Emily said.

“Of course.  I’ll get you their contact information.”

“Thank you.”

“Now you and Agent Rossi have power of attorney?” 

“We have copies of the paperwork.”  Dave said.  “I’m going to take over as primary.  Will your people be able to stay with her for now?”

“We can, but honestly, she needs to be in a residential facility.  I know Dr. Reid wanted to be more involved with her care but if he doesn’t come back soon we might need to look at that.”

“These cases usually resolve fairly quickly.”  Emily said.  “Can we give it a week or two?”

“We can try.”

“And in the meantime can you send me a list of facilities you recommend?”  Dave asked.  “Just in case.”

Mrs. Campbell nodded.  “Absolutely.”

* * *

 

“So Georgetown was interesting.”  Tara said when she came back.  “They were hacked.  Guess who’s file, personnel and academic.”

“Spencer.”  Emily replied.  “Aren’t you also there?”

“Yep, but my file wasn’t touched.”

“So this wasn't targeting the team.  It was specifically him.”

“Looks that way.”

* * *

 

“There’s just nothing.”  JJ said.  “And no breaches of security lately.”

“There was though!  Someone with DOD clearance.”  Penelope replied.  “I wasn’t able to track it down.”

“Do we think whoever this is has a DOD clearance?”  Tara asked

“A clearance never stopped an Unsub.”  Emily replied.  “They start with all of us, somehow figure out that Spencer is vulnerable in a way that’s meaningful for them and target him.”

“What if this isn’t an Unsub?”  Luke asked.  “What if we got too close to something and they’re trying to throw us off track?”

Emily considered this.  “What cases have involved the DOD lately?”

“Findley Industries.”  Dave said.

“Yea, but we closed that case.”  Tara replied.  “They were exonerated.”  

“We missed something.”  

“Yeah, but what?”

“You know, my DOD contacts were looking into it more closely.”  JJ said.  “We closed the case; I never got back to them.”

“Do that.”  Emily said.  “Maybe they found something we missed.”

* * *

 

In the meantime there were other people to talk to.  “He’s what?”  Alex Blake practically shrieked into the phone.

“Missing.”  Dave replied.  “An Unsub took him.  Our current best lead is that someone is trying to derail an investigation and targeted him for being vulnerable.  Any idea as to who or why?”

Alex thought for a long moment.  “No.”  She replied.  “To be honest I haven’t heard from him for a couple of months.  Since the holidays, really.”

“Good to know.”

* * *

 

“He’s what?”  Derek Morgan asked.  He was running security for the Canadian Embassy, of all places.  He loved it, they loved him, and Savannah loved having him home every night.

“Missing.”  Emily replied.  “An Unsub took him.  Our current best lead is that someone is trying to derail an investigation and targeted him for being vulnerable.  Any idea as to who or why?”

Derek thought a long moment.  “Last time we saw him was when he came over right before Christmas.  He brought Hank some gifts, we hung out for a while.  I haven’t talked to him since then.”

“Okay, good to know.”

* * *

 

“Okay, so I did a thing.”  JJ said.

“What sort of a thing?”  Emily asked.

“I told Will what was going on.  He tracked down one of the guys in his unit who goes to something called Beltway Clean Cops.”

“Say no more.”  That had to be an AA or NA group.

“Anyway, they haven’t seen him since December.”

“Okay.”  Emily walked out of her office.  “Tara, can you check with Georgetown, see if Reid is supposed to teach or lecture this term?”

“I already did.  He doesn’t have anything on the calendar through the spring.”

Emily turned to JJ.  “When was the last time he came over to take the boys out?”

“He took Henry shopping for gifts for us before Christmas.”

“Okay, he hasn’t been to a support group, taught a class, been to seen his godchildren or spoken to his closest friends since the first of the year.  What happened then?”

“His mom moved in.”  JJ replied.  “He’s spending literally all his free time taking care of her.  It’s isolating him.”

“Not that unusual in a family caregiver situation.”  Tara said.  “Where is his father or her husband in all of this?”

“Getting remarried.”  Penelope replied.  

“Yeah, William Reid gets the asshole of the year award.”  Dave replied.  “I had the misfortune of meeting him once.”

“And there’s no one else in the family?”

“He has aunts and uncles.”  JJ said.  “They’re all out in Las Vegas.  I think they’re all on his Dad’s side though.”

“Well, we know why he was vulnerable.”  Luke said.

Emily nodded.  “Now we just need to know who used that.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 07**

**BAU Headquarters**   
**Quantico, VA**

Eventually even they had to go home and go to bed.  Other teams were rotating, they weren’t letting the case go anywhere close to cold, but the BAU team was dropping. 

Before they left Penelope came out of her lair with a box, which she placed on an empty desk.  “So I did a thing.”  She said.

“Oh god what now.”  Emily said without heat.

“Are you all familiar with the tradition of a candle in the window?”

“A beacon for lost travelers to follow home.”  Dave said.

Penelope opened the box and started handing out candles.  “I don’t know, with the boys...”  JJ said.

“Oh, these are LED.”  Penelope showed her the little light bulb.  “I figure he would understand.”  She took three.  “I am dropping one at Derek’s and sending one to Alex.”

Emily took one, Tara one, JJ one, Dave one, even Luke took one. “I’ll bring one over to his apartment.”  Dave said.  “If Diana is lucid she’d appreciate it I think.

“I’ll bring one to the chapel at Georgetown.”  Tara said.  “I know his colleagues there would want to be in on this.”

“And we’ll leave one here.”  Emily replied.

“So who gets the last one?”  Penelope asked.

They all thought about it a long moment.  

They left it in his desk.

* * *

 

The candles burned for one night.  Then two.  Then three,

When they hit the 72 hour mark they all looked at each other and took a long breath.  They knew what the odds were now.

They didn’t stop of course, but they knew.

And there was nothing.

Nothing at all.

* * *

 

**Capitol Park Apartments**   
**Washington DC**

**2 weeks**

“He’ll be fine.”  Diana said.

They were well into the second week.  Dave had taken to stopping to visit every night.  Most of the time she wasn’t lucid enough to recognize him, or to care.  But tonight her mind was working and he was able to gently tell her what had happened.  She

responded with worry, of course, but thankfully it didn’t tip her over the edge.  “We won’t give up.”  He said.  “But I have to admit, for the most part the trail has gone cold.  There’s one lead still out there but it’s taking time to work through.”

“He’ll make it.”  Diana had a scrapbook in her lap, had it open to pictures of a little boy with coke bottle glasses.  She touched one, where said boy had a wicked shiner going.  “He was so clumsy in school.  I used to call him Crash.  He bounced back every time.”

Not school, Dave thought, or not just school.  “If you need anything, I’m working with the nursing staff...”

“Thank you.  I’ll be fine.”  She looked up at the candle in the window.  “Just bring him home.”

* * *

 

**Alex & James Blake’s Home**   
**Cambridge, MA**

**1 month**

After the first month, with that lead still working itself, they had to go back to other cases.  They were piling up.  No one wanted to, but they had to admit, the case was cold.

Spencer really had disappeared without a trace.

Dave took a couple of days in between cases to fly to Boston.  “I keep telling myself he’s strong.”  Alex said.

“He is.”   Dave replied.  He’d acquired a very good bottle of scotch.  They weren’t killing it but it was taking the edge off.

“He’s an outstanding agent.”

“He is.”

“He can survive anything.”

“He already has.”

“So why am I so worried about him?  Why am I worried about him now that he’s gone and I wasn’t when he was around?”

“That is a question I’ve been asking myself lately.  The best answer I have is that he’s become so good at coping over the years that none of us saw what was happening.  He doesn’t ask for help.  He doesn’t even show that he needs help.  He just quietly goes along handling everything with that perfect competence, never showing what he’s feeling until it’s a crisis.”

“And his definition of crisis always involves someone else.”  Alex sipped her drink.  “Lord, what you bring over.  You know, after he got shot in the neck and nearly died, he was more worried about my reaction than he was about himself.  I think he took a couple of Tylenol and walked back to the plane.”

“Yep.  That’s Spencer.”

“I just wish someone was there for him now.”

* * *

 

**BAU Headquarters**   
**Quantico, VA**

**1.5 months**

Six weeks in and their last sliver of hope played out.

“My DOD contact got back to me about Findley.”  JJ said.  “Based on the prototypes they received they requisitions the materials to make sixty devices.  They confirmed that with the battery manufacturer.”

“Sixty?”  Luke asked.

“And the DOD only got six.  With the six we found that makes twelve.  Forty-eight are missing.”

“That’s what happened to Reid.”  Dave said.  “We said at the time that Mary Johnson had to have practice with that set-up.  The victims at the church were not the first victims.”

“Or the last.”  Emily said.  “That’s what they’ve done to Spencer.  He hasn’t tried to contact us because he doesn’t remember us.”

They all felt the weight of that horror settle on them.

“But we have no proof that they’ve used these.”  Tara said.  “Or that they even have them.”

“The DOD is going after them for the materials.”  JJ replied.  “But those cases take time.”

“What can we do in the meantime?”  Luke asked.

Emily sighed.  “Not a thing.  He could be anywhere, literally.  And they are hiding behind a thick brace of lawyers.”

“We’re missing something.”  Dave said.

But no one knew what.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 08**

**Derek and Savannah Morgan’s house**   
**Washington DC**

**2 months**

Two months.  Two months and still no word on their missing agent.  “Still worried?”  Derek asked.

“Oh, you know I am.”  Penelope came over once a week or so, to visit Hank, or so she claimed.  These days it was more about fretting.  So much fretting.  “I mean, we don’t know if they just turned off his memory and cut him loose on the streets or something.”

“If they had then a local LEO somewhere would have picked him up by now.”  Derek replied.  “Or else the local working girls would have adopted him as a mascot.”

“Seriously?”  Savannah asked.

“I never met a hooker who didn’t fall for him the moment they laid eyes on him.”  Derek replied.  “He’s like candy to them or something.”

“Reid?”  Savannah was still skeptical.

“Yeah, but it was still winter. What if they left him in the woods or something? What if he froze trying to get home?”  Penelope asked.

“Baby girl, he’s going to be fine.  He’s a survivor, he bounces, you know that.  Every cop in the country is looking for him.  We will find him and he will be okay.”

“God, I hope so.”

* * *

 

**Penelope Garcia’s apartment**   
**Washington DC**

Later that night, as she had every night, Penelope turned on the candle in her window.  “So, I just wanted to tell you that Henry had a soccer game today, and he scored a goal, which was amazing.  And Michael kicked his first ball and Hank has started walking, you know, holding on to stuff.  The boys are growing so big, so fast and you’re missing it.  You have to remember us and come home all ready.  My number is still good, I always answer, you know this.  Call, please!”

There was no answer.  But maybe somehow he heard.

* * *

 

**BAU Headquarters**   
**Quantico, VA**

**2.5 months**

Two and a half months in and Dave was late to work one day.  “Where have you been?”   Tara asked.

“To a medical appointment with Diana Reid, and then to my insurance agent.”

“How is she doing?”

“As expected, which means her condition is deteriorating, but slowly.”

“Damn.”

“There are no miracles in this world.”

“Why the insurance agent?”

“I’ve been trying to get her into a care home.  Most of them are places where I wouldn’t leave my dog, to be honest.  The ones that are as good as the one she was in in Vegas are five grand a month.”

Tara whistled.  “How much of that will insurance cover?”

“That’s after insurance.  And it doesn’t count the two grand for medication after insurance.”

“Holy crap.  Did he bring her home to save money?”

“I don’t know. But I don’t want to stick him with that bill without his say so.  I went to the insurance company because I don’t want to do that to Joy if I can help it.”

“I don’t blame you.”

* * *

 

**Will and JJ LaMontagine’s home**   
**Washington DC**

**3 months**

Three months in and Spencer’s absence was being felt in more quarters.  “Why doesn’t Uncle Spencer come to visit anymore?”  Henry asked.

JJ sighed and pulled her son into her arms.  She had no idea if she should tell him the truth or not.  He was so young still, so innocent.  She didn’t want him to know about the monsters out there.  She didn’t even want him to think about them.  “You know how I was gone for a while for work, and I was so far away that I couldn’t even call you every night?”  Henry nodded.  “Well, Uncle Spencer is far away like that.  I’m sure he’s thinking about you though.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah.  And you see that candle I put in the window?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s to help him find his way home.”

“Is this his home?”

“I think where people love you is home.  And we love him so this is one home.”

“Yeah.”

* * *

 

**BAU Headquarters**   
**Quantico, VA**

**3.5 months**

“You need to find a replacement.”  Cruz said.

“Not yet.”  Emily replied.

He sighed.  “I know he was your friend.  But you’re a man down on the team and it’s starting to be an issue.”

“He is my friend.  But that’s not the point.  I can’t find anyone to replace him.  His skill set is too unique.  His knowledge base is irreplaceable.”

“And we are not going to stop looking and any replacement we get is temporary, I get it.  But my point is, are you even looking?”

Emily couldn’t answer that.  They both knew what the answer was.

* * *

 

**Miami Police Department**   
**Miami, FL**

**4 months**

“What is that mess?”  Luke asked.

Another day, another Unsub.  This one had a thing for grandmothers.  Based on the way he treated them his must have been the original closet monster.  “What mess is that?”  Emily asked.  Luke gestured to the TV.  It was showing some breaking news and had gathered a crowd.  She didn’t want to go look, not right now.   And she didn’t have to.  “Hey, Garcia?”  She asked the open air over her phone.  “What’s all over the news?”

“Some church compound in Montana.”  Penelope replied.  “They got reports of child abuse going on, underage pregnancy, the usual.  Andi Swan’s team is out there.”

“Oh.  Well, if she needs help let us know.”

“Will do.”

“Andi’s team is good.”  Dave said.  “Good hands.”

“Yeah.”

Three hours later Emily’s phone rang.  “Prentiss.  Hey Andi....wait, what?...yeah, do that.  We’re in the field...I’ll see if Jack’s team is available.  Just....yeah, thanks.”

JJ was just walking in the office.  “What’s going on?”

Emily looked at her, her face pale, her eyes wide.  “I’m making an executive decision.”  There was an Unsub out there, he had a victim.... “Keep working the case.”

“O-kay.”

* * *

 

By that evening they had the Unsub in custody, and the last grandmother safely in the hands of the ER.  “All that’s left is the paperwork.”  JJ said.

“No, it’s not.”  Emily said.  “Leave everything where it is, Jack’s team is in country, they’re coming out from Quantico to cover it.”

“Why?”  Tara asked.  “What’s going on?”

Emily pointed at the TV.  “Andi Swan’s team was in on a raid.  A church compound out in Montana.  They suspected child sexual abuse and trafficking.”  She took a deep breath.  “Andi found Reid.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 3
> 
> Change your thoughts and you change your world.  
> -Norman Vincent Peale

**Chapter 09**

**BAU Jet**   
**Westbound**

“Which church owned the compound?”  JJ asked once they were settled.

“First Church of Christ the Merciful.”  Emily replied.

The team was quiet a long moment.  “Okay, how did we miss that?”  Tara said.

 “We found a connection between the victims and the after-school program, the Unsub and the program and the Unsub and Findley Industries.”  Dave replied.  “It formed an expected pattern that answered every question.  The rental agreement between the after-school program and the church fit that pattern.  Because of that we never thought to investigate if there was a further connection between the church and Findley.”

“This can’t be coincidental though.”  Emily replied.  She tapped the computer.  “Garcia, did you get anything on the church and Findley?”

“Did I ever.”  Penelope replied.  “The CEO, COO and CFO are all church elders.  And get this, the compound isn’t so much a compound as they bought a town and fenced it off from the world.  Paradise, Montana.”

“Mary Johnson was going to take those kids to Paradise.”  Tara said.  “This wasn’t about saving her son.  She worked for Findley.”

“That explains why it looked like she had practice.”  Luke said.  “They trained her.”

“Yes, but she was also a true believer in whatever they were doing out there.”  Dave replied.

Emily’s phone went off and she let out a breath.  “It’s from Andi.”  She said.  “They found Spencer early this morning.  He was one of the first to get the inhibitor out.”  She frowned.  “They had to sedate two of the others.  Suicide attempts.”

“How’s Spence?”  JJ asked.

“She said they’re doing an evaluation now.  They won't know if they can release him until it’s done.” 

“What was he doing for them?”

“Town comptroller.  Thankfully they already cleared him from any association with the abuse accusation, he never had any contact with any children.”

“I always wondered what a comptroller was.”  Luke said.

“Basically a bookkeeper.”  JJ replied.  “Keeps track of the paperwork.  Kind of perfect for Spence.  What was the abuse allegation founded on anyway?”

Emily sent out a text, which was replied to a moment later.  “Custody case.  Estranged father making accusations against the mother and her new girlfriend.  Apparently the girlfriend was the one with the inhibitor, the mother let is slip during questioning.”

“Did any of the kids there have an inhibitor in?”  Tara asked.

Question sent and answered.  “None that they’ve found so far.  And all of the adults with the exception of four volunteered for the procedure.  They all have siblings or spouses there who have medical power of attorney and are refusing to let them remove them.”

“But they’re not FDA approved or something.”  Luke said.

“Yep.  And now everyone is all over lawyers.”  Emily replied.  “Andi sounds like she’s tearing her hair out.”

“How is he otherwise?”  Dave asked.

“No injuries or signs of injuries except for the inhibitor.  No indication of any kind of torture or abuse.  Passed a general physical with a clean bill of health.”

“Something must have happened though.”  JJ said.

Emily typed again and school her head.  “Andi said she’s not certain about his emotional state, he’s been very quiet, but he’s alert, oriented and running on all cylinders.”

Dave smiled.  “That is a good place to start.”

* * *

 

**Providence St. Patrick Hospital**   
**Missoula, MT**

“Hey.”  Emily said to the figure in the room.

The team had been shown to a conference room that Andi was using as a work space.  Spencer was waiting for them in there, starring at something out the window.  He looked so familiar, right down to the cardigan and glasses.  His hair was neatly trimmed for once and he looked a little heavier, but he’d needed that anyway.  He looked exactly like the man they all adored, exactly as he should.  
Then he turned to them and gave a smile that was somehow both happy to see them all and lost and sad, all at once.  “Hey.”  He replied. 

JJ made it for the first hug, which was returned enthusiastically enough to lift her to her toes.  Then it was a hug from Emily and an embrace and a kiss on each cheek from Dave, and a hug from Tara and even one from Luke.  “Are you really all right?”  Emily asked.

“Oh yeah, I guess”  Spencer replied.  “Except for this.”  He turned his head to reveal a small, neat bandage behind his ear.  “And a bruise on the top of my head.  They said I could go home, there’s just some paperwork.”  He managed a smile.  “I’m not a suicide risk, I swear.”

“I know.  I’ll sign you out.”  

“How’s my mom?”  Spencer asked.

“About the same.”  Dave replied.  “She’s okay; we can catch up with that on the plane.”

“So what happened?”  Emily asked.

“I took the trash out, heard someone behind me, and felt an injection.  The next thing I knew I woke up in a house in Paradise.  As near as we can tell they use the inhibitors to dampen memory then use some hypnotic drugs to create just enough false memories to function, likely something similar to what Peter Lewis used.  I thought I was a professor at CalTech who decided to get away from the rat race.  I didn’t remember the FBI at all.”

“We are so interviewing you over this one.”  Tara said.

“I’ve already had an MRI.  I’ll share.”  He replied.

“Hey guys.”  Andi came up to them.

“Hey, how’s the investigation going?”  Emily asked.  

“Complicated.  Very, very complicated.  I’ll fill you in when I have a report.”

“Okay.  Do you need this one anymore?”  Emily gestured to Spencer.

“Not right now.  Forensic Accounting wants to interview him again later but it’s not like he’s going to forget.  At least not without mechanical intervention.”

“Any help they need.”  Spencer said.

“Just let me know.”  Emily said.

“We’ll talk when we get back to Quantico.”  Andi agreed.

“Home?”  JJ asked.

Spencer hesitated a moment, something tight and sad in his eyes.  “Sure.”

But as they left he turned and looked up at the mountains for a long moment.  “Everything all right?”  Emily asked.

Spencer sighed.  “Yeah.”

* * *

 

**BAU Jet**   
**Eastbound**

“So what did they make you do?”  Luke asked.

“Nothing, really.  I woke up believing I was starting a new job.  I  walked to the town hall, met the secretary, was assigned to my office and started going through the paperwork.   I had no idea anything was wrong.”

By now they were smiling with him.  “So you’ve just been...living out there?”  JJ asked.

Spencer nodded.  “Yeah.  I went to work, joined the softball team and a book club; they showed classic movies at the theater every Friday night.  It actually wasn’t that bad, really.  Until the FBI showed up and started arresting everybody.”

That set everyone to laughing.  “So you had no clue?”  Emily asked.

“None.  Until they brought me to the hospital and took an X-ray.  As soon as I saw that I had a thing in my head I wanted it out but they said it rendered me incompetent to make my own medical decisions.  Thankfully you sent my power of attorney over to Andi who signed the forms for me.  When I came out from sedation I remembered everything and recognized her.  She said you were in crunch time on a case but would be out as soon as it was over.”

“Yeah, the Unsub had a victim, the clock was running...”

“No, I totally understand.”

They all smiled.  JJ pulled him in again.  “We’re just glad to have you back.”

Spencer smiled.  “I’m glad to be back.”

Emily looked Spencer over.  He was smiling, sure, but his eyes were too tight.  His posture too rigid.  His voice too calm.

Somehow she knew it was not going to be this easy.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**BAU Headquarters**   
**Quantico, VA**

“Is it me or is this too easy?”  Emily asked.

They were back in the office.  Penelope had collected her hugs and had send pictures to Alex and Derek to prove that Spencer was indeed alive and in one piece.  Now he was using his office computer to send a quick note to Alex while the ladies of the BAU were meeting in Emily’s office.  “He’s okay though.”  Penelope said.  “Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Yeah, but he shouldn’t be this okay.”  JJ said.  “There should be some repercussions from this.  It means we’re missing something.”

“But what?”  Emily said.  “Andi has been combing through everything in that town.  Nothing has sent up any red flags.”

“We’re just going to have to wait and see what turns up.”  Tara said.

* * *

 

**Capitol Plaza Apartments**   
**Washington DC**

Emily drove Spencer home, not wanting him to have to deal with the crowded train just yet.  She pulled into the loading zone in front of his building to let him out.  “If you need anything you’ll call.  Promise?”

“Absolutely.”  He smiled as he got out.  “Thanks for everything.  Good night.”

“Good night.”  She watched him walk into the building, checked her mirrors and carefully pulled into traffic. 

This was too easy.

* * *

 

**Hyatt Regency**   
**Washington DC**

The next morning Emily decided to go with her gut.  She headed back to Spencer’s apartment and knocked.  The aid watching Diana answered.  “Hi, I’m here to see Dr. Reid.  Junior.”

“Oh, he’s not here.”  

“He left already?”  She didn’t think Spencer was that early of a riser.

“No, he hasn’t been home for months.  He did call last night though, to check in.  I don’t know where he is now.”

God damn it!  She knew it was too easy!  “Okay.  Well, if he comes in tell him to call the office right away, please.”

“Sure.”

Emily pulled out her phone as she headed downstairs.  Lucky number 7.  “Penelope, please tell me you have your laptop with you.”

“I always have my laptop with me.”  Penelope replied.  “What’s up?”

“I need you to find Reid.”

“What?”  Emily could hear her friend typing in the background.  “You took him home last night.”

“He never made it past the lobby.  I swear to Christ if he’s missing again…”

“He’s not.  He’s about a block and a half from you.  There’s a Hyatt Regency on the corner of E Street and New Jersey, his phone is pinging there and he booked a room on his credit card for three nights.  Room 607.  And they just ran a pre-charge in the restaurant for him, like minutes ago.”

Emily could see the entrance to the building from where she was standing.  “Okay, I’ll go find him.  I’ll text when I do.”  She started walking, keeping the entrance in sight.  But no young doctor came out.  She didn’t see him in the lobby either.  But the restaurant was easy to find, and sure enough, there was a tall, slender figure settling in to a reasonably private breakfast with a plate from the buffet.  It looked like standard hotel food but with as much time as they spent on the road it probably tasted like home cooking to him.  She sent off a text saying she found him and headed that way.  “Hey.”  She said as she approached the table.  “I was going to buy you breakfast.”

Spencer managed to look happy and guilty and sad all at once.  “Too late.”  He replied.  “Join me?”

“Sure.”  She sat, told the waiter to just bring a pot of coffee and she’d be having the buffet in time.  “So, you didn’t go home last night.”

“No.”  He replied.  “I checked on Mom, she’s doing okay.  But she was really out of it last night and I needed some space and time to think.”

“Oh, we probably should have thought of that.  We should have had you stay with someone.”   That would have been way too much for him right off.

He gave her one of those sheepish smiles.  “Honestly, while I know you guys mean well, we tend to live in each others pockets all the time.  For example, you’re about to ask me what I need to think about.”

“I hate profilers.”

He chuckled at that.  “The answer is that I think I need to make some changes in life.  I learned a lot while I was away.  Not professionally, boss, I miss work, but think I need to take a few weeks to sort everything out.  I was going to call you about that.”

A few weeks to get his head straightened out sounded great to her.  “Not a problem, we can set that up.  Are there going to be any major revelations that would put me off breakfast?”

She could see Spencer going through a mental file.  “No, I don’t think so.  And I think I’m going to want more.”

“All right then”  They went up to the bar for food.  “At least they got you off coffee for breakfast.”

“Yeah, I kinda got used to eating more in the morning.”  He stopped for a moment, like he hit a memory that was painful.

“You don't have to tell me everything right now.”  Emily said.  “But you really should talk to someone.”

“I know, I was actually going to try to set that up.”

“This happened as part of a case.  I can tap Bureau resources, get you in to see someone today.”

“Really?  That would be awesome.”

Emily pulled out her phone again.  “You’re welcome.  Sometimes it’s good to be the boss.”

“I want to work around Andi’s needs though.  I want to help her as much as I can.”

“They can handle it.”

“Emily,”  She looked up into those puppy eyes. “I need to.  Please.”

Nothing happened there her ass.  “Okay, I’ll coordinate with her.”

Spencer beamed out a smile, but his eyes were relieved more than anything.  “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

Yep, still too easy. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

**BAU Headquarters**   
**Quantico VA**

Emily did manage to get Spencer in with a Bureau shrink that day.  As it turned out they had people available for just that sort of critical stress incident.  Well, not that sort, but close enough.  All Emily knew was that Spencer was willing to work with Sharon the shrink, to the point of them spending four hours together that afternoon, after he met with Forensic Accounting for two hours and before Spencer went back to the hotel.

And four the next day.

After the third day Emily finally insisted on a meeting while Spencer was having another with Forensic Accounting.  “I know even in these instances there is a certain level of patient privacy.”  She said.  “But as his boss there are some things I get to know.”

“Don’t worry, he’s not suicidal.”  Sharon replied.  “Or homicidal.  Or self harming.  Or looking for a pharmaceutical fix.”

“That’s a relief.  So what happened to him?” 

“Other than the memory loss?  Nothing.”

Wait, what?  “Nothing?  I mean, he made it sound benign, but he minimizes things.   And he's been spending every spare minute working with Andi’s people like he's desperate to get these guys put away.  So, nothing?”

“Nope.  They altered his memory enough to make him believe he had recently quit CalTech due to high stress levels and that his parents were no longer part of his life.  And then they cut him loose in town, far enough away from any major city to make traveling more trouble than it was worth.  And that was it.  They more or less did the same thing to the other victims.”

“Nothing?”  Emily could not believe this.  Spencer was not acting normal.  “You’re absolutely sure?”

“Nothing negative, anyway.”

“So there is something.”

Sharon sighed. “He’s worked through and incorporated what happened in Montana quite thoroughly, I’m happy with where he is mentally in regards to that.  But some of what happened there is causing him to revisit some incidents in the past, incidents he didn’t really process at the time.  His current crisis is coming from those.  I think he’ll be able to get through it all and come to a sustainable resolution, but that’s going to take time and work.”

“Things that happened in the past?”

“Before he joined the Bureau.”

Damn.  “Which means it’s really not any of my business.”  Emily said.

Sharon thought for a moment.  “There are some details he specifically said I couldn't share.  But…I’ve been consulting with the team treating the other victims in Montana.  What they all have in common is pervasive abuse in their past.  In childhood.”  

“But…”. But Spencer wasn’t an abused child, Emily wanted to say.  His mother cherishes him.

Sharon stopped her.  “Healing from that sort of abuse is extremely difficult.  What you need, once the initial crisis has passed, is the support of the people around you, a vision for what a healthy life looks like for you, and the belief in your agency, your ability to make change happen.  Now, thanks to his enormously successful professional life, he knows he has agency.  He firmly believes he can make any changes he needs to make.”

“Changes.  Are we talking personal or professional life?”

“Personal.  Entirely.  He wants to go back to work as soon as he can.  But I want him to take a few weeks so he has the time and freedom to make the changes he needs to make.”

“Okay.  I won’t deny that his personal life looks…difficult from the outside.”  Emily wanted to say fucked up, but that would be inappropriate here.

“Oh big time.  What he lacked was the vision, the clear goal for what he wanted from change.  He found that while he was in Montana.”

“Heavily influenced by the Unsubs.”

Sharon nodded. “Part of what we’re working on is untangling their mandates from his genuine desires.  But we have a starting template, now it’s about making it fit both his life here and his moral values.  Of course the problem is that you can’t snap your fingers and make it all happen immediately, it’s a process.  Although I suspect he’s going to make it happen faster than anyone I’ve ever worked with in the past.  I’ve never had anyone fully integrate a session in less than 24 hours before.”

“Yeah that’s Reid.  Is there anything we can do to help?”

“Maybe.  That’s something we're looking at.  But just being there is a big part, he was isolating himself before, which happens with children of Alzheimer patients.  I’ve had him join a support group to help with that and I’ve insisted he go back to one he was part of previously as a preventative measure.  So making time for those if you can.”

“Absolutely, I’ll give it my best.”  If it wasn’t emergent Spencer could take the time he needed.  “But why the hotel?”  That was bugging everyone.

“He needs some time to process in a neutral environment,  away from his mother and away from work.  And honestly away from the pressure of loving, supportive friends who want to know all the answers right this minute so they can help.”

Emily smiled and winced.  “Guilty.”

“Apparently for him a hotel is neutral space. While I suspect he won’t be there long this needs to happen in it’s own time.  Give him the space to get through this and be there to listen when he’s ready.  I’ve been telling him he has your collective support but trust is an issue here.”

“Why?”  Spencer could trust them.  They would do anything for each other.  “We’ll do anything to help.  I’ll do anything to help.”  She was not going to make the same mistakes Hotch and Gideon did.  People came first.

Sharon took a deep breath.  “Even break a few rules?”

Emily answered without hesitation.  “Yeah.  Whatever he needs.”  
  


* * *

 

**National Mall**   
**Washington DC**

But it wasn’t Emily to whom Spencer turned first.  “Uncle Spencer!”  Henry screamed as he ran across the grass.

Spencer swooped Henry up in a great, big hug.  “Look at you!  You’ve gotten bigger!”

Henry nodded.  “I missed you!” 

“I missed you too!  I’m glad to be back!  Where’s Michael?”  He asked JJ.

She smiled.  She and Penelope were so glad to have Spencer invite them down.  It was a clear sign that something was changing.  “Home with my Mom.”  She said.  “She’s in town, we’re going to a thing tonight, she said she wanted to rest a bit and agreed to watch the baby.”

“Oh, I had no idea.  If you want...”

She stopped him right there.  “Spence, we said we would help.”

“Anything.”  Penelope said.

He took a deep breath.  “I need the...feedback, I guess of someone who’s both a profiler and a parent.”

JJ shrugged.  “Guess I’m your girl.”

“But I don’t think Henry should come with us.  Which is why...”  He pulled two slips of paper from his pocket.  “I got IMAX tickets.”

Penelope took them from his hand.  “And I am so your babysitter.”  She looked down at Henry.  “Want to go watch the movie with me while Uncle Spencer and your mom go talk for a bit?”

Henry nodded but he looked up at Spencer.  “You’re not going with us?”

Spencer smiled.  “It’s not that far.  Your Mom and I should be back by the end of the movie, then we’ll go see the exhibit together.  Good enough?”

Henry considered this, nodded, and put his hand in Penelope’s

“Okay, we’ll be back then.”  JJ said.  They watched Godmother and Godson head into the museum, then she turned to Spencer.  “So, what’s going on?”  JJ asked as they started walking.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about the cult’s theology.”  Spencer replied.

O-kay.  “Spence, you’ve been Agnostic for as long as I’ve known you.”

“No, I’m not saying I agree with their religious beliefs.  But the religious basis for their denomination is interesting.”

“All right.  Why don’t you get into it.”  Maybe it would start making sense.

“Their system of practice is based on Matthew chapter 18 verses 15-17.  If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”

“Okay, how did they get from there to messing with people’s memories?”

“They believe that the meaning of the phrase ‘to sin against someone’ is to abuse them.  To fulfill the law if someone abuses you first you tell them to stop.  Then you go with one or two others to tell them to stop so you have witnesses.  Then you take it to the greater church.  If they still refuse to change their behavior then you are justified in shutting them out of your life and doing whatever it takes to heal the wounds they gave you because allowing those wounds to fester is what leads to the temptation to sin to relieve the pain.”

“I can see it.”

“They believed that what caused the most sinful behavior in people was a parent sinning against a child.  So first the child tells the parent to stop, then the other parent or another adult goes with them to intervene.  If that doesn’t work then it goes to the greater church, which they believe means the public at large.”

“And the general public is supposed to intervene?”

“In the form of Child Protective Services, yes.  If that doesn’t work then the victim is justified in cutting the parent out of their life to allow them to heal.”

“Yes, but children are hardwired to attach to their parents.  Even as adults we tend to return to them.  We play down the bad times and play up the good moments.”  Oh, light bulb.  “Which is why they developed the memory inhibitors.  So they would forget them entirely.”

“Exactly.  They believe that desire to return is actually Satan tempting them to be re-injured.  If they forget entirely they can get on with what they consider to be an ideal Christian life.”

“Which really does not work.  I see where they went off the rails.”

“But what if the core tenant is correct?  What if, after a formalized opportunity to try to make it right, an abused child really is justified in cutting off their parents and doing what it takes to be healthy and happy?”

“That’s....”  JJ looked up at the building above them.  “Why are we here?”

“I want you to visit my mother.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**Capitol Plaza apartments**   
**Washington DC**

It took about ten minutes.

JJ had been to Spencer’s apartment before.  It was older, kind of worn down, in a building that wasn’t perhaps the best kept, but it was really close to Union Station and she knew he loved the remaining pre-war architecture.  He even chose vintage furniture to emphasize the period details.  Despite their travel schedule and his side job as a professor he managed to keep the forces of entropy at bay, books were everywhere but they were neatly stacked, papers covered his deck but they were in organized piles.  A weekly housekeeper kept everything clean, and he aired it out whenever he was home.

Now?  His books were scattered and torn.  She could see some serious damage to the furniture, glass broken, doors torn off.  And the smell was fairly strong even though they had clearly been trying to keep up.  
When he went in he motioned for her to stay by the door, partially hidden behind the coat rack.  And he went to greet his mother.

His timing was likely deliberate.  Her doctor had given her a new medication, this one in liquid form.  She either didn’t remember, or didn’t remember him, or in some other way was lost in her own mind.  She slapped the medication right out of his hand.  
Then she slapped him.  “You are not my son!  What have you done with my son?!”  She shrieked.  She jumped on him and started pounding on him, beating on him for trying to poison her.

JJ jumped in and helped him hold her off while the nurse prepared an injection.  For an older, frail woman Diana Reid was remarkably strong.  It took two trained agents to hold her still long enough.  Thankfully the injection worked quickly.  She sagged and Spencer carried her off to bed.

JJ waited outside while Spencer spoke to the nurse.  He came out still trying to settle his clothing.  “Wow.”  She said.

“Yeah.”  He stood there, leaning against the stair railing, his arms crossed in front of him, a protective gesture.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.  I’m used to it.”

“Used to it?”

“It’s her illness.  She’s always had attacks like this when she gets delusional.  She gets confused and afraid and strikes out in self-defense.  She’s having those more frequently now, as the Alzheimer’s progresses but she’s always had them.”  He smirked a little.  “When I was younger she would call me Crash when she was lucid, because I was carrying so many bruises I had to be that clumsy.  I really wasn’t, she just didn’t remember attacking me.”

“Spencer....”

“We should start heading back.”  They started walking down.  “So, as a profiler and a parent, would you call that child abuse?”

That was an easy one.  “Not the way I think you’re thinking.  She does love you and she never intended to hurt you.  It’s her illness.”

Spencer nodded and was quiet for a few.  Then he asked, “Would you leave Henry alone overnight with her?”

That was an easy one too.  “No.”

“Not at all?”

“Nope.  She’s not in control of herself and she’s too unpredictable.”

“Even if he said he was strong enough to handle it?”

“Nope.  He’s obviously not.  As a parent it’s my job to judge what he’s capable of, what’s a healthy stretch to encourage growth, and what’s over his head.  Being alone around your mother is way over his head.  Hell, I’m sorry but being around your mother when she’s not lucid even with supervision is way too dangerous for a child.”

“So leaving him with her be considered abusive?”

“Yes.  He’s not physically strong enough to defend himself against her if she loses control.  And I’m not saying it’s her fault when she does, it’s the illness, but it would still be dangerous for him.”

“And if you made him responsible for her?  For caring for her and the house, giving her medication, even paying for it....”

“That would be insane!  Yes, that would be abusive.  That’s neglect, psychological abuse and emotional abuse right there.  That is too much work on top of school for a child, and I can just imagine how terrified he would be of screwing up her meds.  Yes, expecting that of him, putting him in that position would be abusive.  I can say that as a parent and as a profiler.”

“You would be the abusive one?”

“Yes.  Not your Mom.  Because I was in my right mind and familiar with the situation and I put Henry in harm’s way.”

Spencer stopped in the middle of one of the parks that dotted DC, and looked around at the warm grass and happy people.  “I was Henry’s age when my Dad left.”  He said.

JJ froze.  It took a moment for the horror of that to finally sink in.  She’d never added it all up before.  Or maybe you needed to spend that much time around a child to truly understand.  “That son of a bitch.”  She said.

“The house was paid for.  She had insurance through her work as long as it lasted and then she went on disability and Medicare, we were even on food stamps.  But we didn’t have enough to cover her co-pays.”  He smiled a little.  “You can’t get a job as a ten year old.  I did other kid’s homework for cash.”

“Resourceful.”  JJ nodded.  “I’m impressed.  I’m actually impressed by a lot of things right now.  But that doesn’t make any of it okay.  Your father abused you.  It was psychological abuse, emotional abuse and neglect.”

“Mom always said he was weak.”

“He was.”

“I thought I wasn’t weak.  I thought I was strong enough to handle it.”

“You know, you were a lot smarter than Henry is right now, but I bet you were about his size.  And you were at his level of emotional development.  Of course you were weak Spencer, you were ten!”

Spencer smiled.  “Yeah, I’m finally realizing that.  All I ever wanted was to go home and find her waiting with, you know, the house clean and dinner cooking and her waiting to give me a hug and ask me about my day.  She managed it sometimes but you never knew.  I used to dream every day about going home to that.”

“You have no idea how much I wish I could go back in time, bring you home and bake you cookies or something.  Granted they’d be the refrigerated ones.  Oh, hey.”  She saw the tears starting to form in his eyes and pulled him into a hug.  “At least now we know why the cult targeted you.”

“Yeah.  They were the first ones to put it all together.”  He hugged her tight before wiping at his eyes with his sleeve.

“In our collective defense we’re not supposed to profile each other.”  She shook her head.  Some small part of him was still ten.  She knew how sometimes the pain of the past could be right there and so real.  “Here.”  She had a pack of tissues in her pocket. 

“So what are you going to do now?”

“As strange as it sounds I think I’m going to take some of the cult’s advice.”

And that set off a warning bell.  “Oh?”

“I’m going to confront the person who sinned against me.  I’m going to talk to my therapist tomorrow and then I’m going to head out to Vegas and have a talk with Dad.”

Okay, she could see it.  “Probably long overdue.  Don’t go alone. Any of us will go with you.”

“Thank you.  Today I’m going to pretend to be ten again and go look at spaceships.”  He smiled broadly.  “Maybe have ice cream for lunch.”

“Un, no, you two boys will eat something healthy, thank you.”  She laughed and linked arms with him and off they went.

* * *

 

**BAU Headquarters**   
**Quantico, VA**

“Okay, that makes sense.”  Emily said the next morning.  “I don't know why this incident is causing him to deal with that now, but really, his childhood was more than a little messed up.”

“I know, right.”  JJ replied.  “What I wouldn't say to William Reid right now.”

“So when is he going to Vegas?”

“I’m not sure.”

Emily looked at JJ for a long moment, as it clicked.  “Garcia.”  They headed to the lair of the goddess.  “Garcia, can you track Reid’s phone?”

“What, again?”  Penelope asked as she turned to her keyboard.  “Um, he’s at Dulles.  Where is he going now?”

But Emily was already on the phone.  “What part of don’t go alone is hard?”  She asked by way of a greeting.

“I’m not.”  Spencer replied.

“So who's going with you?”


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**William Reid’s house**   
**Las Vegas, NV**

“When baby girl looked at your father’s financials a few years ago he could not afford this.”  Derek Morgan said.

“He’s had some luck with a number of cases over the past few years.”  Spencer said.  “And the woman he’s been seeing inherited quite a bit of money.” 

“Huh.  So why did you ask me?  Not that I’m complaining.”

“I suspect there’s going to be a discussion of illegal activity involved.”

“So you didn’t want someone else with a badge along.”

“Exactly.  I’m willing to risk mine for this, I didn’t want to put someone else in that position.”

“Fair enough.” 

They pulled up to the house, parked the rental car, got out and rang the bell.  “Does he know you’re coming?”  Derek asked.

“I’m his son.  I shouldn’t have to make an appointment.”  A woman in a professional maid’s uniform answered the door.  “Yes, Dr. Reid here to see Mr. Reid.”

The maid nodded.  “Just a moment.”

After a few minutes Spencer’s father came down the stairs.  “Spencer.  My god.”

“Dad.”  They didn’t make physical contact.  “You remember my friend Derek?”

“Of course.  Good to see you again.”  This time William offered his hand.

Derek accepted it.  “Likewise.”

“So, why are you here?”  He asked Spencer.

“We need to talk.  About everything, I guess.”

William nodded.  “I supposed I should have expected this.  Let’s talk in my office.”  He led the way to a well appointed room with a large desk and lavish furnishings.  “How’s your Mom?”

“Not doing well.  She’s developed Alzheimer’s on top of the schizophrenia.”

“I’m sorry to hear it.”  He closed the door behind them but Derek could still hear children playing somewhere.  He hung back, here to observe and support, nothing more.  “So, let’s have it.  How angry are you?”

“Pretty darn pissed actually.”  Spencer replied.  “What were you thinking, abandoning us like that?”

“Ah.  Right into it.”  William smiled at Derek.  “He always was direct.  Never good at the social graces.”  He thought a moment.  “Your mother was right.  I was weak.  I couldn’t handle her rages anymore, her delusions.  And the constant reminder that she might have killed someone.  I couldn’t do it so I walked away.”

“You know, I can actually understand that.  She was and is a lot to handle.  What I don’t understand is why you didn’t hospitalize her and look after me.”

“I figured you were a smart kid.  You could look after yourself.”

“I was ten!”

“Look, I was still a young man back then.  I didn’t want to be tied down with a sick wife and, well, let’s face it; you weren’t exactly what anyone would expect in a son.  Most of our friends thought you were some kind of freak.  I tried but between you and your mother I didn’t have a chance.  I deserved my freedom so I saved up and I went for it.”

“So this was all about you.  The entire time.”

William smiled.  “And what’s wrong with that?  The past is the past Spencer.  Put it behind you.”

“No.  See, the past isn’t the past.  It’s an ongoing problem.”

“What do you want me to do about it now?”

“I want you to step up.  I want you to apologize and take responsibility for your wife.  And I wanted you to at least try to be a father.”

“My wife is upstairs doing yoga.  And there are two plain old regular kids out back who think I’m a great father.”

Derek could see this hitting Spencer.  “No, your wife is living in my apartment back in DC.” 

William sighed gently.  The smile had yet to leave his face.  “Your mother and I are divorced.  I know that’s hard to accept...”

“I had Mom declared legally incompetent in 2000 so I could get her the help she needed.”  Spencer said, cutting him off.  “I’ve been her legal guardian ever since then.  In addition she was in the lock down facility at Bennington when your divorce was being processed.  She couldn’t leave at the time for her own safety.  Given the work I do I had them track every visitor and every piece of mail while she was living there.  She didn’t have any visitors during that time or receive any mail other than from me and Aunt Ethel, and you never contacted Aunt Ethel, I checked.  Was the Judge who signed your divorce papers one of your tennis friends?”

The smile finally slipped from William Reid’s face.  “I see.  I guess I have a loose end to tie up.”  He reached into his desk and pulled out a large, black folder and a calculator.  “How much does your mom’s care cost a month?”

“Seven thousand.”  Spencer looked shocked, then disgusted.  “I didn’t come here for money.”

“Consider this closing the books.  Most young men would have to take over a parent’s care closer to the end of their life then the beginning, but you never did anything in the normal way.”  William worked something with the calculator and then wrote out a check.  He ripped it out and held it out to his son.  “Take it and we’ll call this done.”  Spencer stared at him for a long moment and then reached for the slip.  But William held on to it.  “Never come back to Vegas.”

Derek watched as Spencer made a decision.  It was so clear on his face.  “I don’t intend to unless it’s for work.”  He said as he took the slip.

“And you might consider changing your name.”

“I have three graduate degrees, two Presidential citations for bravery a Medal of Valor and my badge under my name.”  Spencer replied.  “Don’t worry, no one will ever suspect we’re related.  Have a nice life.”  He turned to go.

But as they left they ran into a woman.  She was about their age and heavily pregnant.  “Oh, sorry!”  She said.

“Just some business.”  William said as he came around to join them.  “My wife Kelly.”

Spencer and Derek put on their best, professional smiles.  “Nice to meet you.”  Derek said.  “Congratulations.”  

“Thanks.”  Kelly put her hands over her belly.  “Can’t wait to meet little William Junior.”

“I’ll bet.”

They politely took their leave and didn’t look back.  “Want me to drive?”  Derek asked.

“Please.” 

When they hit the first stop Derek looked over and saw that Spencer’s hands were shaking.  “You okay?”

“I don’t know.” 

“I’m kinda surprised you took that check.”

“Well, the cult taught that when someone abuses you first you tell them to stop.  In his case he abused through abandonment.  We discussed him wanting to be part of our lives again after the Gary Michael’s investigation, but once I left Vegas he never contacted either of us again.  The second step is to go with a witness.”

“Which is why I was there.”

He nodded.  “The third step is to, in their words, involve the church, or the greater community.”

“I don’t know how you could do that.”

“Mom couldn’t legally sign those divorce papers.  He’s living as a bigamist.”

“Ohhhh.  That explains why you didn’t want a badge there.”

“But that would also involve the judge who signed the order.  I had to weigh one more chance at getting what I wanted from him against having a judge turn on me and by extension the team.  And I decided to move on.”

“And taking the money is part of that?”

“According to the cult once you give your abuser a chance to reform and they don’t take it there are a number of steps you need to take to achieve a happy life.”

“And you think following the rest of their plan will make you happy?”

“It did the last time.”

“Oh.”  Well crap, they never thought of that.  Derek looked over at Spencer.  “So you’re moving back to Montana?”

Spencer smiled.  “No.  I’m not leaving the BAU.”

At least there was that.  “All right.  It still didn’t entirely add up but there was that.  “When did you get a Medal of Valor anyway?”

“The Nichols case.”

Morgan looked over at him.  “Wait a minute.  You weren’t supposed to be in that lab.  You got a medal for screwing around?”

They laughed over it all the way back to the airport.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**Sunrise of Silver Spring**   
**Silver Spring, MD**

For his next step Spencer consulted once more with his therapist, spent a day doing research, and decided to take some very good advice.

From Mrs. Campbell.

Sunrise was at the top of Mrs. Campbell’s list.  It was as comfortable as Bennington and everyone he spoke to, from her doctors to the people at the Caregiver Support Group gave it the strongest recommendation.  Diana would receive the best care there, and be safe and comfortable for the rest of her life.  And given that it was thirty minutes from the heart of the city he could visit every week-end.

Diana was not thrilled with this plan.  She panicked, of course, screamed that they were going to kill her, fought viciously until she was sedated.  “This happens fairly often in these cases.”  The doctor on staff said.

“I know.”

“Don’t worry.  We’ll take care of her.”

They hadn’t wanted him to go alone.  JJ decided to take this one on.  She’d been waiting outside the facility, now she watched him walk out and over to a picnic table.  He sat, pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapped his arms around them, and buried his face.  If he was ten this would be a sure sign of distress.  So JJ did what she would do for Henry, she sat beside him and gently ran a hand over his back.  “What’s wrong?”

“They’re taking care of her.”  Spencer said, his voice muffled by his knees.

“I thought that was the point.”

“It is.”  He lifted his head and scrubbed his tears away with the cuff of his sweater.  “I put the money William gave me in a trust for her care.  It should be enough to cover her for the rest of her life.”

“Can’t think of a better use for it.”

“For the first time since I was ten years old I don’t have to take care of my mother, one way or the other.  I’m free.”  It came out with the deepest breath.  “I didn’t realize what a relief it would be.”  He managed to smile a little.  “Or how guilty that would make me feel.”

“Awww.  I’m sorry you feel guilty.  You carried way too heavy a burden way too young and you did great.  You not only deserve a chance to be happy now, you’ve earned it.”

“Yeah.” 

They were trying to be cautious, but they were all a little concerned about Spencer’s state of mind.  And yes, Derek had come to them so they could all exchange notes.  “Still doing the cult thing?”  JJ asked.

“Yeah.”  Spencer replied.  He gave her a look like he knew what she was thinking.  “They have a specific, step-by-step plan they have their members follow, and the peer pressure was enormous so we followed it as well.  I admit I’ve been looking critically at each step with my therapist before recreating it here but It’s been working for me so far.”

“Okay.  So where are you with that?”

“Well, for them the first step is to cut all ties to your abusers.  I’m obviously not doing that with Mom, her intentions were always good which does matter.  I intend to visit but I’ve come to realize that she’ll never be the mother I always wanted.  She was just too sick and will never improve that much again.  I won’t be able to get what I need from her, and trying to force that isn’t healthy for either of us.  I’m better off holding on to the memories I have.”  He managed a small smile.  “We’ll always have Paris.”

“I’m sorry.”  She pulled him into a hug.

“Thank you.  I’m working with it.”

“I know.”

“And I’m never speaking to William again.”

Mom.  William.  Yeah, his choices were abundantly clear.  “I don't blame you.  And the second step?”

“For them was the memory inhibitors, so you’re not tempted to go back and try again.  That’s not going to happen, I’m going to stick with therapy instead, even after I go back to work.”

“Well, hey,  join the club.  So what’s the third step?”  

“Gainful employment.”

“Got that covered.  Okay, and the fourth?”

“Stable, safe housing.”

None of this was what JJ had expected.  It all seemed so normal.  Like the Unsubs actually cared about their victims.  Which related to something she read once?  Maybe?  “Okay, I can see their reasoning.  So you’re going to move back to your apartment?”

“For now, once the crime scene cleanup people are done with it.”

JJ winced.  “Ouch.  It was that bad?”

“Yeah.  I didn’t realize that hospitals like this one use special surfaces and fabrics that are easy to clean.  I’m going to need a new mattress, I’m looking at new carpet…”

“Ugh.  Well, if we can help at all.”

“I’ll ask, but right now I’m letting the professionals deal.  The problem is that my current apartment doesn’t really fulfill the parameters of the next step, but fixing that is going to take a while.”

“It doesn’t?”

“Not exactly.  But it will do for now.  And I do plan to stay in the city.”

“What are friends for but to help you move.  So what comes after that?”

“That’s complicated.”

“Of course.”  Hey, at least they got a few solid steps ahead here.

“But once I get through the move It’ll be a while before I can move on to the next steps, so I’ll probably come back to work.  When the time comes I’ll take a couple of weeks to do what I have to.”

“How long do you think moving is going to take?”

“I don’t know, but right now I’m thinking of going back to work and taking a few days when I find a place.  I’m going out of town for the week-end first though.  Call it a vacation.”

“Want someone to go with you?”

“Not this time.”

Uh oh.  “Going anywhere in particular?”

Spencer smiled.  “Atlantic City.”

Oh.  JJ sighed.  “Do the cult plans include keeping your phone on?”

“No, but I will anyway.”

* * *

 

**BAU Headquarters**   
**Quantico, VA**

Another week, another case.  “Hey, have you heard from Spencer?”  Emily asked.

“Yeah.  he’s back in the city.”  Penelope replied.  “He got a little weird when I called his place ‘home’ so let’s not.”

“We can work on that.”

“How much did he lose?”  Luke asked.

“Spencer doesn’t lose at cards.”  JJ replied.  “How much did he win before they banned him?”

“They can’t ban him.”  Penelope replied.  “Card counting is legal in Atlantic City so long as you don’t use a mechanical device.”

“Yeah, but you can only go so far before the locals want to talk to you out by the dumpster.”  Luke said.

“I bet having a badge lets you go farther though.”  Tara replied.

Penelope nodded.  “It does but even with that they do have a cutoff.  Apparently the magic number is two million which is half of the Tropicana’s profits for the month.”

That stopped everyone.  “Dollars?!”  JJ asked.

Penelope nodded.  “After that the pit bosses politely tell you that you’re getting really close to the point where they don’t care about the badge thing.  He promised them he wouldn’t go back to play for at least four years and they were happy.”

“Didn’t his dad give him two million?”  Emily asked.

Penelope nodded.  “And he had another million in savings.”

“How?”

“Lecture fees, teaching part time at Georgetown, some income from some patents he worked on at CalTech.  And he never spends money on anything for himself.”

“I am officially outclassed.”  Dave said.

“What is he going to do with that much money?”  JJ asked.  “I mean, I know he set up that trust for his Mom, but what about the rest of it?”

“I don’t know.”  Penelope replied.  “All he keeps saying is that he was really happy in Montana and he wants to try to be that happy in DC.”

“And he thinks money will buy him happiness?”  Tara said.  

“Only if you’re buying blow.”  Luke replied.

Penelope, JJ and Emily all shared a discrete look.  “I’m sure he’ll tell us when he’s ready.”  Emily said.  “Any idea when he’ll be back?”

“He said he could be at work as soon as Monday.”  Penelope replied.

Emily shook her head.  “Anyone else think this is still too easy?”

Every hand in the room went up.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

**BAU Headquarters**  
**Quantico, VA**

Monday came, Spencer said that he was bored and lonely, so he came back to work.  Just in time for a case, of course.  No surprises there.  Afterwards the old-timer ladies of the BAU met in Emily’s office to discuss.  “So, how was he?”  Penelope asked.

“One hundred percent on the case.”  Emily replied.  “Only Reid could be in the hands of an Unsub for four months, have them mess with his memory, and come all the way back in just under a month.”

“He’s not all the way back.”  JJ replied.  “He was too quiet.  He has been.”

“Do you think he’s....”  Penelope couldn’t quite ask the question.

“Using?”  JJ said.  “No.  It’s something but I don’t think it’s that.  The few times I recall that he might have been he got irritated and snappish in the field.  Right now he’s almost.sad.”

“Were you able to look at his financials?”  Emily asked.

“Em-i-ly!”  JJ said.

“What?  I’m worried about him, all right?  I don’t want him falling through the cracks like last time.”

“I was and I found something weird, but not like that problem weird.”  Penelope said.  She put her laptop on Emily’s desk and they gathered around.  “So first off he did indeed put the two million he got from William into a trust for his mother and set up an automatic payment to Sunrise House and to her pharmacy and her doctors and that sort of thing.”

“Exactly what he said he did.”  JJ said.

“What’s that?”  Emily pointed at the screen.

“Crime scene cleanup.  He hired them to do his apartment after his mother left.  And those are his vacation costs, nothing special stands out there.   And there is nothing else.  Literally nothing.  Everything else is sitting in a standard savings account.  He hasn’t touched it.”  Penelope finished.

“Okay.”  Emily replied.  “Keep an eye on it.  Not too closely, but if anything sends up any red flags...”

“Of course.”

“What are you going to do?”  JJ asked.

“I can’t confront him.  He’d know we were snooping and never trust us again”

“Yes he would.”  Said a voice from the door.  They spun and saw Dave standing there.  “What are you all doing?”

The three of them signed.  “Worrying about Spence.”  JJ said

“You can get into a lot of trouble that way.”  Dave said.  He came over and looked at the laptop.  “So it’s all just sitting there?”

“Yep.”  Penelope replied.  “And why did he need to go out and win that chunk of cash?  Maybe moving, but he had more than enough to cover first and last in a new apartment in savings.”

“I suspect I know but there’s an easy way to confirm it.  Ask him.  We’re FBI agents, it is what we do.”  He casually walked back out to the bullpen, got coffee, then wandered by Spencer’s desk.  “So I never asked, how did you do in Atlantic City?”

“Oh, about as well as I’d planned.”  Spencer replied.

“Mmm hmm.  Knowing you that means I should either tell you I know a good investment broker or a good realtor.”

Spencer didn’t have to think.  “The realtor would actually be helpful.”

“So you’re planning on buying, not renting?”

“Yeah.  I’m thinking a condo.  I mean, I’d love to have a house closer to base but a condo would have better security.”

The ladies of the BAU had been discretely listening.  “So he deliberately went to Atlantic City to win enough to buy a place cash.”  Emily said.  “Why now?”

“Stable, safe housing.”  JJ replied.  “A lot of churches out there preach against debt, having to pay a mortgage adds stress.  Reducing stress increases happiness.”

“Okay, I can see it.  That answers our questions.  So what comes after that?”

“No idea.”

* * *

 

 **The Dresden**  
**Washington DC**

Penelope invited herself along on Spencer’s open house visits.  “So what are you looking for anyway?”  She asked.

“Pre-war, the older the better.”  Spencer replied.  “High security.  At least three bedrooms and a third room I can use as an office.”

“Three bedrooms and a bonus room?  Big place.”

“I guess.   And a really nice kitchen, you know, something like Dave’s.”  

“A kitchen?  You can’t cook.”

He shrugged.  “I just want a nice kitchen.”

“Okay.”

As it turned out the realtor knew a unit that met nearly every criteria right off.  And it had a big kitchen, lots of light, and many of the original fixtures, including the fireplace.  Granted that had an ugly, modern gas insert.  “Building code.”  She said.

“That’s all right.  I can put a reproduction one in there.”

It didn’t have an actual office but there was a second room right off the living room.  “You could use that as an office.”  Penelope said.

“No, but the small bedroom behind the kitchen will work as an office.  I want to be able to lock the door, keep guests from seeing case boards.”

“You have guests?”

He ignored that.  “How far are we from shopping areas?”  He asked the realtor.

“Quarter mile from Woodley Park, half a mile from Dupont Circle.”

“Metro stops at both ends.  Most of the way between here and Woodley Park is the Taft Bridge.  And the Woodley Park station has a center platform.  Hmmm.”  

“There is a bus stop right outside.”

“There is?”  Spencer went and looked out the window.  “You might have just sold me.  Isn’t there a knitting and fabric shop in Dupont Circle?”

“Yeah.”  Penelope said.  “It’s my favorite.  A block down from Kramerbooks.  Why?”

“What about grocery stores?  You know, really good ones?  Granted you can get a cab to a grocery store.”

“Um, it’s called Uber, sweetie.  And yeah, why?”

“I’ll need to check out the transit patterns, but this looks perfect.  How long does the process usually take?”  He asked the realtor.

She smiled.  “Thirty days.”

* * *

 

 **BAU Headquarters**  
**Quantico, VA**

Eight weeks weeks after they found Spencer in Montana they saw the realtor leaving the small meeting room he had booked that afternoon.  “Well?” Emily asked.  In reply Spencer beamed out a smile and held up a ring of keys.  She grinned.  “Congratulations!” 

“So you know what friends are for, right?”  Luke asked.

“To help you move.”  Spencer smiled.  “Are you guys busy this week-end?”

Luke grinned.  “You’re buying the pizza.”

* * *

 

 **The Dresden**  
**Washington DC**

At the end of that week they helped Spencer move in.  The remains of his apartment filled his office in the new place, except for his rebuild bookcases, which took up one side of the wide hall.  And he bought a new mattress, box spring and frame, for the master bedroom.  His mother broke nearly everything in his kitchen, so he also bought a coffee pot, some cups and spoons, and a canister for sugar.  “Looks like you have a lot of shopping to do.”  JJ said.

They looked around the remaining empty rooms.  “Yeah.”  Spencer said.  “Eventually.”

* * *

 

A month later, three months after Spencer left Montana, Penelope stopped by.  They were going to Henry’s soccer game and the weather was gorgeous so they had to take Esther, her convertible.  She brought muffins, he promised coffee.

“I want to see what you’ve done with the place.”  She said as she waltzed in.

“Um, not a lot, to be honest.”  Spencer replied.

Not a lot was putting it mildly.  He put up some plain, inexpensive blinds.  Two stools indicated that he was using the kitchen counter as a place to eat take-out and breakfast cereal. Someone had put a coat of primer up in the room that needed new paint, but not the actual paint yet.  And a peek told her that he’d bought a basic, white comforter for his bed and some new towels.  And that was it.  The remaining rooms were so empty they echoed.  “You know; if you need help decorating I’d be more than happy to, you know, work some magic.”

“Thanks but, um, I’m not quite ready to take that step yet.”

“So you just want to rattle around in this very empty place by yourself?”

“Yeah, actually.”

None of this made sense.  None of this made any sense.  None of this made any sense and when she looked in his eyes she could see something painful and sad that he was trying so hard to hide.  “Okay, Spencer...”  She pulled out her phone.  “I’m telling JJ we’ll meet her at the park.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re not okay, okay?  You keep saying you want to be as happy as you were in Montana but now your Mom is in a home, you’ve cut off your Dad, you’re rattling around in this big space, you have a ton of money in the bank still and don’t look at me like that I snoop because I love and I don’t see how any of this is supposed to make you happy!”  She sat on a stool in his kitchen with a huff.  “We’re your friends, Spencer!  We love you and we want to help!  I want to help!  But you have to trust us enough to let us in!  Okay, how is all of this supposed to make you happy?”

He sighed and looked at her with regret.  “I just can’t talk about it right now.  I’m sorry.”

She could not believe it.  “You’re going to drive me crazy.  You know this, right?”

He nodded.  “I think it’ll be worth it in the end though.”

“It better be.”

* * *

 

Penelope tried pestering him again when they got back, but he deflected and dodged and did everything he could to avoid her questions.

Finally she gave up.

As she drove away she looked up at his window.  It was then that she remembered the candle she’d left in his desk.

It was burning in his window.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 3
> 
> The feeling of longing for home is born into us. That wonderful dream cannot become real without great faith.  
> Henry B. Eyring

**Chapter 16**  
  
 **J. Edgar Hoover Building**  
 **Washington DC**  
  
The next Monday, while Penelope was reporting her findings to the ladies of the BAU, Dave Rossi was helping to interview the Unsubs in the Findley case.  Thanks to careful shepherding from a brace of very expensive lawyers they were proving tough to crack.  They all kept saying that everyone had volunteered, that no one had been truly harmed, that they only wanted the best.  They were already guilty of many crimes, and they all knew it, but they kept denying the more serious assault and kidnapping charges, and those were the ones that would land them in some serious prison time.  The FBI was not ready to give up yet so they called in their big guns.  
  
At the end of one of their interviews the church elder Dave had been interviewing turned and conversationally asked, “Oh.  How are Spencer and Victoria?”  
  
Dave was too good to let his face betray his sudden curiosity.  “They’re recovering well.”    
  
“Good.  Good. I’ve been rather worried about them.  That’s good to hear.”  
  
As soon as Dave could  step away without arousing suspicion he found a quiet stretch of hallway and dialed lucky number seven.  “Hey Penelope, I need your help.”  
  
“Ask of me, oh great one.”  
  
“Could you find any information you can about a woman named Victoria in relation to the Findley case?”  
  
“Victoria?  If she lives I will find her.”  
  
“It’s not that emergent.  I’ll call you back later.”  
  
“Roger doger, that report will be waiting.”  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
For the rest of the day he casually inserted a new question into his interviews, “What can you tell me about Spencer and Victoria?”  Most people didn’t even recognize the names.  But when he got to the town secretary she beamed.  “Oh!  How are they doing?”  
  
“They’re recovering well.”  
  
“Oh good!  You people had very bad timing, you know.  That was a horrible thing to do to newlyweds.”  
  
“I suppose.”  
  
“And just when they were realizing how happy they were.  They never wanted to actually marry, you know.  They were just going to move in together and live in sin.  They weren't even members of the church, so we didn't know who could take them aside and set them to rights.  Finally Mayor Bradshaw spoke to Spencer about it, how it wouldn’t set a good example to have sinners like that working in city hall and all.  They still didn’t want to join, but they agreed to a ceremony.  We had it in the park beside the library, and it was lovely!  Only a week later Victoria told me how glad they were that they had actually taken that step, and how happy they were now.  We all chalked it up to the Lord working in mysterious ways, that for some reason those two had to put the cart before the horse.  We were even taking joking little bets on how long before they came to us for church membership.  And then the next day the FBI came in.”  She huffed out a sigh.  
  
‘We always did have horrible timing.”  Dave agreed.  
  
“Yes, you most certainly did.”

* * *

  
  
 **BAU Headquarters**  
 **Quantico VA**  
  
In the meantime the rest of the BAU was picking up the lead Dave found and running with it.  Since Spencer was once again working with Forensic Accounting they could meet in the conference room to discuss matters.  “Victoria Brant.”  Penelope said as she put a picture of a petite woman with auburn hair and an elfin smile on the board.  “Twenty-eight, originally from Palo Alto, California.  She holds a degree in Management Science and Engineering from Stanford and was working as their emergency services manager.”  
  
“According to Andi’s notes she’s one of the ones who had an implant against her will.”  Emily said.  
  
“Emergency management, I bet she worked in city hall as well.”  JJ said,  “Any other indication she and Spence knew each other?”  
  
Penelope looked and took a big deep breath.  “I’ll say there is.”  She put a picture of a small, storybook cottage on the screen.  “Andi’s team took notes on who lived where to help correlate any evidence they found.  She and Spencer were living together.”  
  
Just then they all got a text from Dave which had them all staring at each other.  “We should have seen this.”  Tara said.  “It’s the classic conservative religious path to happiness, get a job, buy a house, get a wife, start a family.”  
  
“Yeah, but Reid with a woman?”  Luke said. “Was I the only one thinking…”  
  
“We all did at one time or another.”  JJ replied.  Luke nodded and dropped it forever.  
  
“But why didn't he say anything?  Penelope wailed.  
  
“Lila Archer.”  JJ replied.  
  
At the same time Emily said “Austin Greer.”  
  
“Oh, of course!”  Penelope said.  
  
“Wait, what?”  Tara asked.  
  
“It was before Emily joined the BAU.”  JJ said.  “This would have been back in, oh, ’07?”  So ten years ago.  She had a stalker.  Somehow a friend or someone got Gideon involved with the investigation and he pulled the rest of us in.  In the process Lila developed a thing for our dear Dr. Reid which he definitely reciprocated  I have it on good authority that while he was on guard duty she dragged him into her pool and tried to have her way with him.”

Emily was entirely skeptical.  “Reid?”

“I have it on good authority.”  Penelope replied.  “Morgan and Elle would not lie.”

JJ took over again.  “Anyway, we got the stalker alive.  The trial lasted, what, five years?  By the time it was over Lila was dating another woman.”

“Ouch.”  Luke said.  “He didn’t speak to her during that time?”

“Nope.  The defense could use any private communication to claim that the FBI was tampering with a witness.”

“Austin Greer, same problem.”  Emily said.  “JJ you were on maternity leave with Henry.  She was a bartender down in Atlanta.  Another victim turned witness.  Morgan said Hotch quietly reminded Spencer about the rules, just in case.”

“So it’s a pattern for him.”  Tara said.  “That explains a lot.”

“But we're talking wife here.”  JJ said.  “That has to make a difference.”

“I am not seeing a marriage license on file.”  Penelope replied.

“Of course not.”  Emily said.  “I’ll bet the minister was one of the Unsubs.  If he had filed it we would have tracked Spencer down in a heartbeat.  And Spencer would have figured that out as soon as he came out from anesthesia.  No legal connection means if he spoke to her it would be witness tampering, he would have known that.”

“He said he wanted a home.”  JJ said.  “The kind of home his mother was too sick to give him and his father was too much of an asshole to give him.”

“Victoria was implanted against her will.”  Tara said.  “How much do you want to bet she comes from a rough childhood as well?”

“How much do you want to bet they were building that home together?”  JJ replied.  “And then we tore him away from it.”

“That explains the big place with the kitchen.”  Luke said.  “He’s planning on a second chance.  He hasn’t fixed it up because he wants her to do it.  The pot of dough is for her too.  Little place like that, with that kind of garden?  I’m guessing she’s the kind who wants a little farmhouse in the exurbs. ”

“But with the work we do a high-security condo is  lot safer than an isolated farmhouse.”  JJ said.  “But that’s why he spent more to go pre-war and why he wants her to be able to fix it up the way she likes, to make up for the location.  Oh, that is so Spence.”  

“We have to do what we can to get him that second chance.”  Emily said.

“It’s still witness tampering.”  Tara said.

“We have to do what we can though.  First we need to secure Victoria.  Does Andi have her down as willing to testify?”

Penelope started looking.  “She does.  And she has an address out in California…but…three days after she left Montana she filed a police report against her mother for assault and she hasn’t been heard from since.”

“Exactly what the cult worried about.”  Tara said.

“Finding a witness is a good excuse for the brass.”  Emily said.  “Good thing we have an expert tracker on the team.” 

“Don’t worry.”  Luke said.  “I’ll get her back here.”

“Tara, go with.  We don’t know what her mental state is.”

“All right.”  Tara agreed.

“JJ, you and Penelope talk to Spence.  Get his side.”

“What are you going to go do?”  JJ asked.

Emily smiled.  “I’m going to go play boss.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**  
  
 **BAU Headquarters**  
 **Quantico VA**  
  
“You married Victoria Brant?”  JJ asked as an opening.  
  
Spencer looked up from his desk, the pleasant facade he’d been wearing crumbling away.  “Yeah.”  He replied.  “I did.  I am, I guess.”  
  
“You guess?”  
  
“Legally, no.  Paster Samson never filed our license.  But emotionally, yes.  How do you know?”  He pulled out his badge and started fishing something out from behind his ID.  
  
“Rossi got it out of one of the Unsubs.  Is this about witness tampering?”  
  
 “Partially.  Also Stockholm syndrome.”  He said.   
  
“You don't have Stockholm syndrome.”  JJ said.  “You’re not showing any of the symptoms.”  
  
“Stockholm syndrome, for the uninitiated.”  Penelope said.  
  
“Stockholm syndrome is a condition that causes hostages to develop a psychological alliance with their captors as a survival strategy during captivity.”  Spencer replied.  He turned back to JJ.  “Would you have said the same thing in Montana?  If I introduced you to Tory and said that the Unsbs insisted we marry but now we wanted to stay that way?”   
  
JJ opened her mouth to answer, but closed it as she thought about it.  “Hmmmm.”    
  
“Exactly.  JJ, those implants buried our memories, they didn’t effect our emotions or our cognitive abilities.  Tory and I were dating, yes, and we wanted to try living together, the only reason why we married right away was because the Unsubs threatened my job, and it was easier to just go along with them.  But once we took that step we were really, really happy, we knew it was right.  And maybe it wouldn't have lasted but wanted to give it a solid try.  We still do.  Or at least she did before we left Montana.”  
  
“You talked to her about it?”    
  
“She was the second one to get her implant out.  One of the nurses was a witness, I wasn’t alone with her, we didn’t discuss the case.”  
  
“I believe you.”  
  
“She doesn’t have anyone JJ.  She said that her family wasn’t close and she’d been there for five years, she didn’t have any friends or a job waiting.  I told her that you guys were my family and I had a job and I could get us a place to try again if she wanted to move to DC.  She was thrilled with the idea.  We said we would try again as soon as the trial was over.”  
  
“And you've been working with Forensic Accounting to try to hurry that along?”  
  
Spencer nodded but gave her a sheepish smile.  “And I was hoping to run in to one of the elders there for an interview.  The Unsubs all have Lima Syndrome, I was hoping that telling them that the FBI split Tory and I apart might get them to change their plea.”  
  
“Spencer!”  JJ said.  
  
“Okay, Lima syndrome, for the uninitiated.”  Penelope said.  
  
“Lima Syndrome is the reverse of Stockholm Syndrome, in which abductors develop sympathy for their hostages.”  Spencer replied.  “They actually did care about us, to a pathological degree.  I was hoping to use that against them.  Could you actually send that to Dave?  It might help.”  
  
Penelope pulled out her phone.  “What part?”  
  
“Just say that Spencer suggests Lima Syndrome.”  
  
“KK.”  
  
“So you have been working a plan the whole time.”  JJ said.  
  
“You’re surprised?”  Penelope replied.  
  
“Not exactly.”  Spencer said.  “Buying the condo was the plan, really.  My old apartment wouldn’t have been big enough for the kind of life we were living back in Montana.  And I didn’t want to have to deal with a mortgage.  Getting the money in Atlantic City was the fastest, easiest way.”  
  
“What about your Mom and Dad?”  
  
“That was actually part of therapy.  I had been strongly considering finding a place for my mother before I went to Montana.  She really does need that kind of an environment, she wasn't doing well at home.  I realized I kept her there hoping for one last chance at her creating the kind of home I wanted, the kind of home Tory and I were building.  But once I actually experienced it I realized it would be far too much for her, taking her health into account it was always beyond her abilities.  And I admit that living the life I did in Montana finally got me to a place where I could confront William.  I could not imagine just walking out on Tory, especially if we had a child.  That made me realize just how selfish he was.”  
  
JJ nodded.  “I can see it.  My only concern in that Victoria might be completely different, now that she remembers her past.  You might not have the same relationship you had.”  
  
Spencer shrugged.  “You’re right.  But I still want to try.  I just hope she does too.”  
  


* * *

  
 **Brant residence**  
 **Palo Alto, CA**  
  
Tara and Luke started with the last known address.  “We’re looking for Victoria Brant.”  They said to the lady of the house, once the maid left the room.  
  
Julia Brant radiated money, from her expensive haircut to her designer leather heels.  “Victoria is my daughter.”  She said, her eyes alight with delight even as her tone communicated concern.  “Is she in trouble?”  
  
“We just need to speak to her.”  Tara said.  
  
“She’s not here.  She ran off one night, probably to go get high with her sleazy friends.”  
  
“She has a drug problem?”  Luke asked.  “Any idea what she was using?”  
  
“I don't know. I don’t know anything about drugs.  I just know she's using them.  A lot.”  
  
“Did she tell you anything about where she's been for the past five years?”  Tara asked.  
  
“She said she was kidnapped by some cult.  A likely story.  She was probably off running with some gang, spreading her legs for all of them. I’m ashamed to admit that my daughter’s a whore like that but it’s true.”  She pulled out a handkerchief and started sobbing.  
  
Luke and Tara looked at each other.  They knew fake tears when they heard them.  “So you have no idea where she could have gone?”  Tara asked.  
  
“No.  She walked out of here with the clothes on her back. Some ratty things she probably pulled out of a bin. That girl loved to live in filth, I never knew why.  She’s probably lying in a ditch somewhere.”  The fake tears grew louder but Tara swore she heard a hopeful note in Julia’s voice.  
  
“What about her father?”  Luke asked.  
  
“The bastard who raped me?  He’s in prison where he belongs.  She took after him you know.  Even drove a dirty old truck like him.”  
  
“Did she take her truck when she left?”  
  
“Yes, thank god.  I always hated that thing.  My father’s lawyer insisted we keep it for her.”  
  


* * *

  
 **San Quentin State Prison**  
 **San Quentin, CA**  
  
John Terrence look at them skeptically.  “If I had a kid this is the first I’ve heard about it.”  He said.  
  
John was a member of a motorcycle gang, doing life for manslaughter and running heroin, among other things.  But his prison record was fairly clean, Luke was on comfortable territory here.  He showed John a picture of a younger Julia Brant.  “Know her?”  
  
“Julie?  Sure.  She was one of our old ladies back in the day.”  
  
“Yours?”  
  
“Nah, she was a pass around.  One day she up and left.  I think some of the girls said her old man, her father, came and offered her money to go home.”  
  
“A pass around.  So she could have gotten knocked up by any of the guys.”  
  
“Yeah, probably.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  


* * *

  
 **J. Edgar Hoover Building**  
 **Washington DC**  
  
Dave looked down at the text on his phone.  “Lima syndrome.  Of course.”  Damn kid was holding out on him.  
  
He headed for the next interview. 

Now it would be easy.  
  



	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**  
  
 **Tresidder Union**  
 **Stanford University**  
 **Palo Alto CA**  
  
Luke caught up with Tara, who had been talking to Victoria’s counselors and professors from the school.  “According to them she was a model student.”  Tara said.  “Lived at home, got excellent grades, no trouble, never even late to class.”  
  
“No drugs?”  Luke asked.  
  
“No sign of them.”  
  
“Boys?”  
  
“Not that anyone could remember.”  
  
“So her mom was projecting her past onto her kid.”  
  
“Very likely.  And punishing her for her birth. Victoria went to a Catholic high school.”  
  
“Mom’s family?”  
  
“Yep.  And according to their parish priest a very conservative, wealthy one.”  
  
“Okay, so after high school Mom runs away from a smothering family to sew some wild oats.  Her daddy finally bribes her to come home and behave.  She does, but with the proverbial bun in the oven.  Conservative Catholic means no abortion.  But why not adopt the kid out?”  
  
“To punish the family for making her have the baby.”  Tara said.  “They probably shamed her for her lifestyle, so she kept the baby to shame the family in revenge.”  
  
“That’s a good way to make a scapegoat.  Why didn't she leave?  Live in the dorms at least?”  
  
“According to her guidance counselor she lived at home because that was a condition of her grandfather paying her tuition.”  
  
“Can we talk to him?”  
  
“He died two years ago.”  
  
“Of course.  Okay, if my math is right she was kidnapped by Findley three months after she graduated.  How did she get on their radar?”  Luke asked.  
  
“I am having Garcia check into that.”  Just then Tara’s phone chimed a text.  “Bingo.  Grandpa’s firm was one of the original investors in Findley.”  
  
“So Grandpa got her away from her Mother, probably the abuse got worse as Victoria got closer to the age Mom was when she took off until he couldn't deny it anymore.  Must have thought he was doing her a solid.”  
  
“That’s the running theme in this case.”  Tara typed out another message.  “Her mother said she left with the clothes on her back.  I’m calling bullshit on that, Victoria literally has a degree in contingency planning.  She had a plan.”  
  
“Didn’t Garcia say something about assault charges?”  
  
“Yeah, she did.  Victoria find them against her mother, claimed she assaulted her in her sleep.  But they didn't think it serious enough for a follow up, called it a minor domestic dispute.”  
  
“I bet leaving with the clothes on her back was running from the assault.  Her next stop was at which station?”  
  
“The one here on campus.  Bingo, she cleaned out hers and Spencer’s bank accounts from Montana.  Since they weren't Unsubs Andi didn’t lock them down.”  
  
“How much?”  
  
“Fifteen thousand.”  
  
“That won’t get you far in the bay area.  And no job, no credit.  She got on the road.  How much you want to bet the truck is in Grandpa’s name, and that’s why we missed it.”  He sent that note off to Garcia.  
  
“Okay, so she was here, right here, the last familiar location she knew.”  Tara said.  “She had some cash, the clothes on her back, we saw a picture of her license on the board, she has her truck, she has to get on the road to get to where she can afford to survive.  She sat here and made a plan.  What informed it?”    
  
They looked around the space.  There were flyers on every surface. Luke got up to take a closer look.  “When they left Montana it was close to the end of spring term, yeah?”  
  
“Yeah, why?”  
  
“What do you do if you have to raise money to move?”  
  
“Sell stuff you don't need.”  
  
“Like, maybe, camping equipment?”  
  
“Yeah.”  Tara got up to look with him.  “What did you find?”  
  
Luke had lifted a few layers of flyers to find the older ones.  “National Parks camping passes, eighty bucks for the year.”  
  
“Camping is a good way to stretch your funds.”  Tara said.  “Get a prepaid phone, pick up some used gear cheap, live out of your truck and keep moving so Mom doesn't find you.  So which way do you head?”  
  
“Close you can get to the one person you can trust.”

* * *

  
  
 **Greenbelt National Park**  
 **Greenbelt MD**  
  
Greenbelt Park was a pretty, lush place designed for families.  And only twelve miles from Union Station in DC.  
  
JJ and Will stood with a brace of cops from the Greenbelt PD and looked at the small set up.  “Yep, that's the one we’re looking for.”  She said.  “The plate she put on the reservation form is registered to the estate of Stephen Brant of Palo Alto, CA.”  
  
“Kind of bare bones.”  Will said  
  
“She’s probably sleeping in the truck”  
  
They waited at the picnic table for a bit.  It wasn’t long before a battered old pickup truck drove up, the rider almost too small for the seat.  They walked over as she cut the engine.  “Victoria Brant?”  JJ asked.  
  
“Yeah.”  The woman driving replied..  Her auburn hair must have been cut a lot shorter to fit under the knit cap she was wearing underneath, but it was the same woman.  She looked exhausted but when she saw JJ’s badge hope came into her eyes.  “I’m Tory Brant.  Please tell me the trial is over.”  
  
“Not yet.”  JJ replied.  “But you need to come in anyway.  This might help.”  She showed Victoria a picture on her phone, of her and the boys and a very happy Spencer.  “He’s my son’s godfather.”  
  
Tory lit up when she saw that picture.  “I just need to strike camp.”  
  
“We’ll take care of that for you.”  Will said. “And get your truck back to DC.”  
  
“All right.”  She handed Will the keys and followed JJ to the car.  
  
But before they got in JJ slowed.  “You know, Spence is my best friend.  I just have to ask one thing before we get there, are…are you still interested in marrying him?”  
  
“Marrying?”  Tory pulled off her glove and revealed the gold ring on her finger.  “As far as I’m concerned I never stopped being married to him.”  
  
JJ couldn’t help the smile that formed on her face.  “All right then.  Let’s go.”  
  


* * *

  
  
 **FBI Academy**  
 **Quantico VA**  
  
In the meantime Emily had joined Andi in calling in a few favors.  Now they were standing in an immense storeroom full of a town’s worth of boxes addressing a class of students from the Academy.  They had just finished briefing them on the bare bones of the case.  “Consider this a practicum in the handling of evidence.”  Andi said.  
  
“Marriage and family were very important to these Unsubs.”   Emily said.  “They would not have thrown away proof of a marriage.  They didn’t file it order to continue to hinder our  investigation but they would have kept some kind of proof locally.  We believe that there is a signed, unfiled marriage license in one of these boxes, we just have to find it.”  
  
After a little more briefing the flock of students fanned out to start looking for the missing paper trail.  Hopefully they would be enough manpower to get through it all reasonably quickly.  
  
Emily watched them with a smile.  Sometimes it was good to be the boss lady.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Casting Note: I'm going to go with Kate Mara as Tory.
> 
> https://i.pinimg.com/736x/e7/ac/e9/e7ace96a01e246cc01fddca701cb3cb1--kate-mara-hair-fantastic-four.jpg


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**   
  
_“What kind of muffins are these?”  Spencer asked._   
  
_“Banana nut.”  Tory replied as she climbed into bed next to him.  This high in the mountains it was still rather chilly in the morning, and the cottage was heated by the wood stove in the living room so first thing in the morning it could be cool in the house.  It was cozier to spend a lazy morning in bed, with big mugs of coffee and homemade treats and the BBC on the radio from Billings until it warmed a little.  He passed over her coffee once she settled back against the pillows.  “Thank you.  They had the first round of strawberries at the Farmer’s Market, but I thought they would do better with some shortcake for dessert.”_   
  
_“Ooo, I agree.”  He couldn’t quite put his finger on why but for some reason cooking and eating were important to both of them.  He’s only been in the mountains for a few months but his pants were already growing just a bit tight.  And somehow that was a good thing. “I love banana nut muffins.  And strawberry shortcake.”_   
  
_She laughed.  “You love anything I bake.”_   
  
_He pretended to consider this.  “True.”_   
  
_They settled in to listening to the radio, with him reading and her knitting and quiet contentment between them.  At least for now, he already knew that something about these lazy weekend mornings made her more than a bit amorous.  He was already anticipating feeling her hands starting to ease into his clothing, a gentle murmur asking if what he was reading was that important, which it never was.  He just had to wait for her to take the lead._   
  
_But not this morning._   
  
_They slowly became aware of a growing commotion outside.  Vehicles, far too many for a Sunday morning when nearly everyone was in church. And raised voices, which you almost never heard in town.  Spencer switched off the radio even as Tory asked, “What is that?”_   
  
_“I don't know.”  He slid out of bed to take a look out the window.  If you looked sideways you could see the street from the bedroom window.  As he watched two people in windbreakers that said FBI walked passed the cottage.  They couldn’t be here for them, so why was his heart suddenly pounding?_   
  
_“What is it?”  Tory asked._   
  
_“There are FBI agents in town.”  He started pulling on real clothing.  “Stay here.”_   
  
_“Yeah, no.”  She started pulling on things as well.  “Emergency manager, remember?  If something’s going on I should get downtown.”_   
  
_“Something is definitely going on.”  They dressed and left, breakfast forgotten on their nightstands._

* * *

  
**BAU Headquarters**  
 **Quantico VA**  
  
I wonder if anyone ate the muffins, Spencer thought.  Tory made amazing muffins.  That had been their last cozy morning together, he didn’t want to think of them growing mold on their nightstands.  Every night he dreamed of waking up back in that bed, with Tory curled up against him, her arms wrapped around one of his like he was her personal teddy bear.  The light would just be coming through the lace curtains, and she would look so peaceful and so very beautiful there in their safe home.  
  
“Spencer?”  
  
Spencer turned from his memories and there she was.  She looked exhausted and dirty and worn, and still so very beautiful.  She was a dream made real.  She walked up to him with her arms wrapped around her middle, like she always did.  “Hey.”  
  
“Hey.”  He sat on the edge of the nearest desk and opened his arms for her.  
  
She butted up against his chest so he could put his arms around her, before she finally wrapped her arms around his torso.  “I missed you, damn it.”  She said to his sternum.  
  
“I missed you too.”  He said to her hat.  “So, are we still married?”  
  
“Hells yes.”  She tipped her head back to look at him.  “I still love you.”  
  
“I love you too.”  
  
She put her head back against his chest.  And just like that he was home again.  
  


* * *

  
  
Emily, Andi and Director Cruz joined JJ and Penelope, who had been watching all of this.  “So, this is really a thing?”  Emily asked.  
  
“Oh, this is so a thing.”  JJ said.  “We have to find a way to keep them at least connected somehow.”  
  
“I think we have a way of doing that.”  Emily cleared her throat to interrupt the embrace going on.  The couple didn't let go but they at least looked over.  Emily introduced everyone to Tory before she got underway.  “So I have bad news and good news but first we need to speak to each of you privately.  Spencer?”  They led him out into the hallway.  “Okay, I know you’re about to say you're both still married, but if you weren't would you ask her?”  
  
“Yes.”  Spencer replied.  “Absolutely.  Why?”  
  
“Hold that thought.”  She went back to where Tory was waiting with JJ and Penelope.  “Okay, I know you’re about to say you're both still married, but if you weren't and he asked you again would you say yes?”  
  
“In a freaking heartbeat.”  Tory replied.  
  
“Okay, Spencer, come back.”  She waited until he was seated on the edge of the desk next to Tory again.  “Okay, so we found this.”  She held up the marriage license.  
  
“Ohmygod.”  Penelope took it from her to look.  “It’s real.  Spency you really did it.”  
  
“I told you.”  He said.  
  
“The bad news is that because we don’t know exactly what the inhibitors do to people legally neither of you were of sound mind when you signed it so it is not valid.”  Emily said.  “And before you ask we already checked with legal.”  
  
“Oh Jesus Christ on a pogo stick.”  Tory said.  She turned to Spencer.  “Oh, we can blame all the profanity on my mother.  She has a way of bringing it out of people.”  
  
“How much therapy is going to be involved in that sentence?”  
  
“Sooo much.”  
  
“So that means we can’t have contact until the trial is over.”  Spencer said to Emily.  
  
“Not exactly.”  Emily replied.  “The inhibitors are out, you're currently of sound mind and you both independently said you wanted to marry the other….”  
  
Spencer held up a finger to stop her and turned to Tory.  “Will you marry me?”  He asked.  “Again?”  
  
“I would marry you every day.  Yes.”  She replied before she stretched up and kissed him.  
  
The rest of the team was beaming.  “Which makes you officially a fiancee.”  Emily said.  “Which helps a lot for this.”  
  
“We discovered that the Brant Family trust holds thirty-six percent interest in Findley.”  Cruz said.  
  
“I had no idea.”  Tory replied.  “Wow.”  
  
“Julia Findley is the main benefactor of that trust.  Now you said in a police report that Julia Findley assaulted you?”  
  
“Yeah, she did.”  Tory turned to Spencer’s worried eyes.  “I’m all right.  I’ll explain later.”  
  
“And that was why you left home?”  Cruz asked.  
  
“Yeah.  If crazy bitch needed me back to blame for everything she’s fucked up in life I wouldn't put it past her to hire someone to track me down.”  Tory replied.  “So I got on the road and kept moving.  Hit some beautiful vacation spots.”  
  
“Given that, we could argue that someone with an interest in Findley was trying to intimidate a witness, one related to an FBI agent.  That would mean protective custody.  Although I don't think we would have to go all the way to witness protection.”  Cruz said.  
  
“And we would rather keep it in house.”  Emily replied. “Bad experience in the past.”  
  
“Understandable.”  
  
“Protective custody?  You mean, like, jail?”  Tory asked.  
  
“No.”  Spencer replied.  “They mean in a safe house, someplace anonymous with security and FBI agents on guard 24/7.”  
  
“The bad part is that you would have to restrict your movements to the essentials and always travel with agents.  The good news is that it’s probably only for a few months, now that Dave has an accurate profile.”  Emily gave Spencer a look so pointed he blushed.  “And Spencer would know where you are and that you were safe.”  
  
“The good part is that I wouldn’t be camping and I would be safe from Mom.”  Tory said.  
  
“And we could facilitate communication between you two.  It wouldn’t be private, a copy of everything would have to go to legal, but you could at least stay in touch.”  
  
“And I’d have a few months to get my feet under me again.”  Tory considered this for a long moment.  “Sounds like a plan to me.  Let’s do it.”  
  



	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**  
  
 **BAU Headquarters**  
 **Quantico VA**  
  
Once that decision was made everyone left to put things in motion, except for one of Andi’s people, who stuck close enough to be a witness.  “So it’s all going to work out.”  Tory said.  “Except we still won't get to see each other.”  
  
“We weren’t going to be able to do that anyway.”  Spencer replied.  
  
“Hell of a way to spend a honeymoon.”  
  
“Come here.”  Tory turned and butted into his arms again.  “You know, my friends and family here are going to want us to have another wedding ceremony.”  Spencer said.  
  
“I’m okay with that.  It’ll feel more real this time.”  
  
“And after that we’ll go on a real honeymoon.  Take a week or two and go somewhere, just the two of us.”  
  
“I wouldn't complain about that.”  She rested her head against his chest and sighed.   
  
Spencer felt her almost sagging into his arms. “You look exhausted.  Having trouble sleeping again?”  
  
“Oh yeah.  I haven't had a full night since I left Montana.  Have you ever heard the concept of the body having a memory?”  
  
“That’s rather pseudoscientific, there are no tissues in the body outside of the brain that can actually store memories.  It’s actually more likely that the memories are not consciously accessible.”  
  
“Well in that case I could not consciously access the memory of my mother’s drunken antics at two in the morning.  But even with the implant in I was waking up in anticipation and can't get back to sleep.”  
  
“Drunken antics?”  
  
“Yeah.”  She reached up and pulled off the cap she was wearing.  She’d cut her lovely red hair off just below her jawline, a straight, rough cut.  “Mom hacked my hair off with a knife while I was asleep.  She said…”  
  
“It doesn’t matter what she said.  You’re still beautiful.”  
  
She looked at him a long moment.  “You really mean that.”  
  
“Yeah, I do.”  It didn’t matter.  It didn’t change her beauty one iota  
  
“Oh.”  She smiled and blushed a little.  “Anyway I suspect you couldn't consciously remember being an FBI agent, but it still influenced your body language.  Which was why I felt safe enough to sleep around you.”  
  
He considered this.  “You’re right, its almost accurate to say that your body remembered the late night trauma and mine remembered my training.  It’s certainly more romantic that way.”  
“It is.”  
  
“I’m sorry I’m not there to be your teddy bear now.”  
  
“We will survive.”  She rested her head against his chest once more.  “We survived this far.  What are we going to do after this?”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“I mean I don’t have a job.  I don't have a lot of hope of getting a decent job.  I have what little is left of our combined savings, and it is not a lot.  How are we going to pull off a wedding and live in the city?”  
  
He considered this for a long moment.  “If you could do anything, what would you do?”  
  
“Anything?”  
  
“Yeah, anything.  Money is no object.  Total fantasy.  What would you do?”  
  
“I’d set up a house for us and live in it.”  
  
“That’s all?”  
  
“That’s huge.”  Tory lifted her head to look at him.  “Think about it Spencer.  Homemade breakfasts and dinners every day, not just on week-ends.  Someone to pack your lunch pail.  Never having to worry about if the laundry is done or when was the last time we changed the bed or when did we last change the oil or are the library books late.  Better than that, imagine perfect holidays, every holiday.  Or no holiday, just coming home to some place quiet and soothing every night.  I’d love to be able to build a place like that, for both of us.  And for our family someday.”  
  
“Really?  You want to do that?”  
  
“You said you wanted to hear my fantasy.”  
  
“So let’s do it.”  
  
“What?”    
  
“My fantasy has always been to have someone do that for me.  I mean, we talked about it up in Montana, you were thinking of going part time to do that.”  
  
“Yeah, because we couldn’t afford it if I didn’t work.”  
  
“An FBI agent makes a lot more than a small town comptroller.  We’ll be fine.  Let’s make that fantasy come true.  And if you’re completely bored and miserable we’ll try something else.”    
  
“Seriously?”  
  
“Absolutely.  You’ll have my full support.”  
  
As what Spencer was saying really sank in Tory started beaming at him.  Just then Penelope came in.  “Oh, I am so sorry to interrupt, but do you have any tech with you?  They’ll only let you keep it if I neuter it all so it can't be traced.”  
  
“Just an e-book.  Front pocket of my backpack.  Does that mean I’m not going to be able to put anything else on it?”  
  
“Garcia, can you hold off for a bit?”  Spencer asked.  “I want to help.”  
  
“Sure.”  Penelope replied.  “I’ll just….”  She left the room.  
  
“You need to help?”  Tory asked.  
  
“Something like that.”  Spencer replied.  He shifted back on the desk so he could pull her into his lap.  “So, are you going to go for it.”  
  
Tory was a perfect fit there.  “You know, I think I am.”  
  
He couldn’t help it.  He kissed her in reply. 

* * *

  
  
“Okay, those two are breaking my heart.”  Penelope said.  “Do we have to split them up?”  
  
Emily sighed.  “Our hands our tied.  Written communication, moved by the FBI, copied to legal.  That’s the best we can do.”  
  
“If anyone can make this move faster Dave can.”  JJ said.  “We just have to trust the process.”  
  


* * *

  
  
They didn’t have nearly long enough.  They didn’t have a suitable safe house available, so they decided to take Tory to a hotel for the night.  
  
The BAU team watched Spencer as he watched Tory walk to the elevators with the team taking her to the safe house.  Even they thought she looked small there, and tired, and brave.  And then she was gone.  
  
Spencer’s shoulders sagged as he gave up his own bravery and looked utterly miserable.  “Come here.”  JJ said as she and Penelope each took a side and put an arm around him.  “She’s safe.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“She’ll be back.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“She still loves you.”  Penelope said.  “She wants to marry you all over again.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“Hotch did it.”  JJ said.  “And this will not end like that.  Not even close.”  
  
“I know.  I’m not Hotch.”  
  
“I know.  You’re not to stubborn to admit that it hurts.”  
  
At least they could still get him to smile.  “Hey, Emily?  Can I send packages?”  
  
“I don’t know.”  Emily replied.  “Let me check with legal.  Oh, and the safe house team wants to interview you.  They're treating her as a family member, they want to know any details they should watch for.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“She doesn’t have any medical issues, does she?”  JJ asked.  “We didn’t think to check.”  
  
“She suffered from chronic maintenance insomnia, likely caused by childhood trauma.  She can’t sleep more than three hours at a stretch.  Well, unless I’m there.  We used to joke about me being her giant teddy bear.”  
  
JJ and Penelope both laughed.  You know, I can see it.”  JJ said.  “I’m sure they’ll find a way to work with it.”  
  
“I have some ideas as well.”  The elevator opened and Anderson was pointing some people their way.  “Garcia, when I’m done with them would you be willing to work with me on a few things?”  
  
“Absolutely.  You know where to find me.”  Penelope replied.  They watched him head for the conference room.  “This is no longer easy, is it?”  She asked JJ.  
  
“No.”  JJ replied.  “But we’ll get him through it.  That’s what family is for.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Yes, you can injure yourself lifting weights. For example, you can pull a muscle badly enough to keep you away from a computer for well over a week.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**  
  
 **Fairmont Hotel**  
 **Washington DC**  
  
It was a really nice room.  
  
Tory’s handlers had introduced themselves as Lee, Hirsh, Harrington and Chavez.  Apparently in the FBI they went by last names.  Hey, whatever made them happy.    
  
“So, do you need anything?”  Lee asked.  
  
“Like, what do you mean?”  Tory asked in reply.  
  
“Well, we can’t let you run to the store to pick up toiletries or anything, for your safety you have to stay here.  So if you need anything give us a list and one of us will go.”  
  
“I’d need to go to the bank, get some cash out.”  
  
The team looked at each other.  “No you won’t.  But I strongly suggest you only get enough for two or three days, we’ll be moving in that time frame.”  
  
Mobile, she sure knew how to be mobile now.  For a moment she thought about a little cottage in the mountains with a pang, but she would not let it become tears.  “I can keep mobile.”  Given that she had left her camping equipment with Spencer she had room in her pack for a few more things.  “Um, okay.  If we’re going to be staying in places like this how about some pajamas?”  
  
“You don't have anything to sleep in?”  Chavez asked.  
  
“I’ve been camping for a few months.  I have three outfits, one’s clean, one’s dirty and one I’m wearing.  I don’t need anything fancy, a big t-shirt would do.”  
  
The team looked at each other again.  Lee tossed her a notepad.  “Make a list of your sizes and likes and any toiletries you need.”  She said.  “I’ll see what I can get.  I’d include underwear if that doesn’t weird you out.”  
  
Tory started a list.  “Nope.  Taking out the tent gave me pack room.  Any chance you're going by a bookstore?  They kept my e-book.”  
  
“I’ll check with the office.”  Chavez said.    
  
“You know they have overnight laundry service.”  Hirsh said.  “We’ll be here that long.  Get something to wear in the meantime.”  
  
Oh it would be nice to have her clothes really clean for once.  “Deal.”  
  
Once the list was made and two of the agents left there was nothing to do but poke around.  It was a full on suite, one living space with a dining table for six, and two bedrooms.  “We get that one.”  Hirsh said, indicating the one with two beds.  “You get the master.”  
  
“How did I get so lucky?”  She asked, as she looked in.  Oh, that bed looked comfortable.  She noticed the team looking at each other again.  It was weird.  Tory moved to the room and set her pack down at the foot of the bed.  No way she was going to stretch out on those clean sheets before she had a shower.  And no reason to shower before she had something to change into.  Still, she had a look around.  The tub was huge and tempting, and the little toiletries in the bathroom would be a luxury.  She was going to enjoy tonight even if she couldn't sleep through it.  
  
She heard a commotion and turned to see Harrington bringing a mini fridge through the door and planting it by the dresser.  “Reid said you should have one.”  
  
“Why?  Oh, right, I know why.”  Of course Spencer would remember that.  But there was nothing to put in it now so she drifted back to the living room after him and paged through the list of DC attractions she found in the drawer while the FBI agents set the room up to their liking.  In due time Lee returned.  “Okay, see if this will do you.”  She said as she handed Tory a couple of bags.  
  
Tory opened them up and looked.  Yep, there were pajamas, and a pack of new underwear, a new pair of pants and a couple of t-shirts.  Also some new socks and a soft hoodie.  There were even some fluffy socks to wear around the room.  None of it looked all that flashy, at least at first, but when she pulled out the pajamas they said bride on the front.  Bride.  Oh goddamn it.  “Okay, these are really sweet.  Thank you so much.”  
  
“Oh, but it gets better.”  Lee pulled out another top and tossed it at Hirsh, who took one look and started laughing.  She held up another, matching one where Tory could see.  
  
It read Bride’s Security.  
  
Tory couldn’t help it.  She started laughing.  
  
“Tell me you didn’t bring me one of those.”  Harrington said.  
  
“I almost got you one that said Team Bride.”  Lee replied.  “Came this close.”  
  
“Thank god you didn’t get closer.”  
  
“Okay, we should order dinner.”  Hirsh said.  She passed the menu over to Tory.  “Get whatever you want.”  
  
“Sure?  Some of this stuff seems kind of expensive.”  
  
They all looked at each other again.  “Yeah.”  
  
Okay, she had to know.  “Okay, I am missing something here.”  
  
The team had to smile.  “We’re used to dealing with entitled organized crime types.”  Chavez said.  “They swan in, want us to pick up their specific brand of Champagne and caviar on the government’s dime and expect their asses to be kissed, all because they gave one interview to the prosecutor.  To be honest, protecting a normal person is kind of refreshing.”  
  
“So yeah.  Get what you like.”  Lee said.  “Don’t worry about it.”  
  
“Oh.  Okay then.”    
  
So she did, not that she wanted anything rich or pricy.  Soup, salad and bread did her fine, especially with chocolate cake for dessert.  She also ordered a basket of cookies and a large glass of milk.  “If they could put it in a bottle or just send a small carton or something like that it would be great.”  
  
“We can ask.”  Lee replied.  
  
“Thanks.  I’m going to go get a shower before it gets here.”  Tory padded off to her bedroom.  A hot shower in a clean bathroom was a luxury after the truck stops and campgrounds of the last few months.  It took her three washings to get her hair clean, then she slathered it in conditioner and let it soak for a few.  Hopefully, if she was good to it, she’d get it to grow at least a little more before the…no, it was not a wedding.  She was married, she knew that in her heart, she could not make herself believe she wasn’t no matter how cute the pajamas were.  But she could also understand Spencer’s family needing to witness their vows to believe they were real, given everything that happened.  Before the vow renewal then, she could work with that. She hoped her hair would grow a bit before they renewed their vows.  
  
She padded back out in her new pajamas, using the hoodie as a robe.  No one cared.  Harrington had hooked up his laptop to the television and booted a list of movies.  “Guest gets to vote first.”  He said.  
  
“Got any horror?”  She asked.   
  
They sorted out a movie, dinner came, it was all very relaxing.  Kind of weird with people she didn’t know, but otherwise it was a lot better than camping.  About a third of the way in though Chavez returned.  “Here you go.”  He said, as he handed her her e-book and an envelope.  “What, you’re not going to read it?”  
  
Tory shrugged.  “After the movie.”

* * *

  
It was actually well after the movie before she looked at the letter.  Directly after she headed off to bed, given that she was nodding off during the last bits.  But about three hours later something jerked her awake.  “Mom?”  
  
Nope.  She looked around at the stylishly bland hotel room, and settled down again.  
  
A sound set her heart pounding.  She sat up again.  “You’re in a hotel.”  She murmured.  “The FBI is right outside.  You’re fine.”  She lay back and tried a breathing exercise to relax.  Maybe if she just…  
  
There was a soft sound outside the door.  Laughter.  She sat straight up again, adrenaline pumping through her veins.  Damn it.  She gave up, sleep was not going to happen.  She flopped back in bed and covered her eyes with her forearm.  
  
I want to go home, she thought.  
  
I want to go home, to my little blue cottage on third street.  I want to wake up snuggled under the quilt I made listening to the BBC, that Mrs. Chapman quilted for me on her fancy machine in the shed behind the fabric store and the blanket I knitted square by square, every square a new and different technique.  I want to wake up to my coffee pot giving off the scent of freshly brewed and the radio giving me the ag report from Bozeman.  And most of all I want someone tall and strong in bed next to me.  I want to hear him snore and snuggle in next to him and feel his arm go around me.  I want to go home, damn it!  
  
I won’t cry.  I won’t cry.  
  
She covered her face as she lay there and cried.  
  
When she was done she sat up and swung her legs over the side.  There were tissues on the nightstand, soft ones, good for blotting eyes and blowing noses.  Okay, she thought, if I can’t be home I can at least act like I’m home.  I can have a snack and read until I can sleep again.  
  
She got out of bed, found the cookies and milk, and headed over to the armchair in the room.  She had a letter to read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then something else medical happened. If you really want the details ask, but be warned, it's not pretty. So far, knock on wood, it's clearing up well and I'm off the medication so I can think again.
> 
> I keep a blog off and on, probably a better place to talk about personal stuff than here. If anyone wants the link, just ask.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**  
  
Dear Tory,  
  
So as it turns out I can’t send you anything.  You can ask for what you want or need, within reason, and the FBI will provide, because then there are multiple witnesses who can certify that they were not buying your testimony.  If they, meaning we, meaning I, just randomly send you things it could be construed as us trying to tempt you.  I can’t even discuss my plans for the future, because that would be making promises of future gain which could be seen as…yeah, that.  
  
I just feel bad when I think of everything you had to leave behind.  All the work you did on the house, all the furniture you restored, the quilts you made, your holiday decorations, your garden, your cookbook collection.  Even the socks you were making for me.  Granted now we know it was not actually going to be my first winter with snow, but still, no one ever made things for me before.  I know a home is not the place or the things in it but the people but still, it was a lot of work and you left it all behind because of me.  I want to magically make that better somehow and I can’t.  I’m sorry.  I’m sorry you have to start that project over again.  All I can do is suggest that you tell your handlers what you want and need and go through the proper channels about it.  
  
So since I can’t talk about the future I might as well tell you about who I really am.  The life they set up for me wasn't entirely a lie, I did attend CalTech, I do have three doctorate degrees, I did work as an adjutant professor there for a time.  But back in 2004 I left CalTech and joined the FBI.  Specifically the Behavioral Analysis Unit.  The simple explanation is that we hunt serial offenders, mostly serial killers, and we sometimes work on cases no one else can figure out.  I believe I saw books by Dave Rossi on your e-reader.  He is a colleague and a good friend, and while his stories are somewhat dramatized they give a good idea of the work we do.  
  
In my personal life it’s just me.  I wasn’t dating anyone when I was sent to Montana, I don’t have any ex wives or children floating around.  I do have parents, they’re not dead as they had me believe.  I was raised by my mother, Diana, and we’re still close, or as close as she can be.  She has Alzheimer’s complicated by schizophrenia, so her ability to parent and create a healthy home was limited, but she always tried her best.  These days she’s in a care facility fairly close to here, and I visit at least weekly.  I ended up applying the Church’s mediation process to my father, who abandoned Mom and I when I was ten.  He’s living in Las Vegas with his new wife and new children.  We no longer speak.  
  
In truth my team here at the BAU is my family.  Dave is our collective unofficial father figure and stands as Grandfather to all of my colleagues children.  Emily is both my boss and an amazing older sister, as is Tara.  JJ and Penelope and Luke feel like siblings, as does Derek who is no longer with the team.  And I am officially Godfather to JJ’s boys, Henry and Michael and Derek’s son Hank.  It still shocks me that I didn’t even think of them for so long.    
  
  Two pages is enough.  I should save some for future letters.  
  


* * *

  
  
Dear Spencer,  
  
Okay, the whole asking and they get it for you thing is kind of weird.  It seems kind of selfish or greedy or something.  Everyone is doing  job around me is working on a specific project of some kind, and I’m just a cog in their machine.  Speaking up and asking for what have you seems like a very squeaky cog.  On the other hand, a stir-crazy witness would not be useful to them, so perhaps asking for something to do would not be out of place.  After all, a cog squeaks when it needs lube, then it settles down again.  Maybe I should squeak.  
  
Don’t worry about what was left behind.  Part of me does feel rootless now, and upset about it, to be honest.  But given that I’ve been living out of my car for several months it’s understandable.  I miss having a settled routine and a life, I admit it.  But at the same time I couldn’t go back to a life built on fantasies and lies.  Not from you but from everyone else, they influenced me heavily before you came to town.  Now I wouldn’t be able to trust anything I learned from them, everything came with their agenda.  I need to start fresh and this is the perfect break for it.  We start again knowing who we are and where we are and build on the truth this time.  
  
So who am I.  Welp, I’m not a doctor, but I did get a degree in Engineering.  Specifically management science and engineering at Stanford and hush you, at least it wasn’t MIT.  The simple version of what we did was use engineering models to try to work out people problems and predict best outcomes.  As I recall it was actually kind of fun, I enjoyed it a lot.  But all I did with it was set up emergency response plans for a little town where everyone worked well together anyway.   God knows if I’ll ever use it now.  At the moment I just don’t care.  I don’t have any student loans to worry about at least, Grandpa paid for all of it.  
  
Speaking of family, I have one left.  I’m more or less working on the Church’s mediation process with my mother, if you call telling her to go to hell to her face confronting her, and then coming back with a cop to get my things and my truck confronting her with a witness.  No clue what form the next step will take.  Grandpa was a remote figure whom we had dinner with every Sunday.  He would ask me how school was going, I would answer, Mother would have a fit because he wasn’t paying attention to her, and it would end in disaster.  Every.  Sunday.  
  
My father is, or was, a member of a motorcycle game.  I couldn’t even tell you the name of the gang, let alone the name of the person, Mother was kinda popular back then.  I have no desire to actually track him down, I’d rather go with the idea that I was hatched somehow.  So my birth family is batshit crazy, as it turns out my second family up in the mountains was as well.  Yours sounds happy and fairly healthy, here’s to hoping the third time is indeed the charm.  
  


* * *

  
  
Dear Tory,  
  
Squeak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the.publishing delays, but life has become rather complicated. I've decided it's far easier to share my blog than to try to keep everyone up to date on the crazy. I linked to it on my profile.


End file.
